I have been dying -- DYING to see the upcoming reality show horrorfest that is Living Lohan (E!, 10:30). Tonight the wait is finally over. Allegedly this show is about Lindsay's wannabe sib Ali (who has been accurately described as looking like a forty year old), but in truth the reason we're all tuning in is to watch transfixed as truly frightening momager/emaciated cougar Dina Lohan goes bananas on everyone in her path . From what I can tell, the object of creating these kinds of shows is to make the public sympathetic to famous people who might not have the best reputations in the world. But I suspect that much like the brilliant Hey Paula, LL will only confirm that the Lohan Clan is as crazy and gross as we always thought they were. And I don't know about you, but I love being right.

I am slightly less stoked to watch the premiere of another show promising an incisive peek into the life of a celebrity trainwreck. That's right, I'm talking about Denise Richards: It's Complicated (E! 10 PM).What's complicated, exactly, Denise? Your grasp of the English language? Your efforts to not come off as a vapid fembot? Hmmmm. You're right, you DO have a lot of layers. And all of them were bestowed upon you by your hairstylist.

Do you like muscles? And feats of human strength and endurance? And silly constumes? And people who give themselves superhero names that could double as Gatorade Frost flavors? Then you might want to watch American Gladiators (NBC, 8 PM). Have fun! I'll be washing my hair.

As in past seasons, the Bachelor runner-up (read: loser) gets her own spin-off in the form of The Bachelorette (ABC, 10 PM). This year we will be attempting to tolerate DeAnna "Unnecessary-Capitalized-Letter-In-Her-First-Name" Pappas and her grating Southern Belle schtick. If you're in the mood to shout and hurl things at the TV, this ought to do the trick.

I have been embarrassingly behind in watching MTV's latest reality show gambit, The Paper (MTV, 10 PM). But according to my reliable sources, this is some of the best shit on TV right now. From what I gather, it's kind of the anti-Hills -- real-looking kids striving to do meaningful things that require some measure of brain-power. How refreshing! Get on the Paper train with two new back-to-back episodes.