The thing about 101 Best Kept Hollywood Secrets (E! 1 PM)? Obviously, they aren't. Or else there would not be an E! special devoted to them. See how that's sort of a contradiction there?

Stay home from work today, sleep in late and watch hours worth of hilarity in the form of a Reno 911! marathon (Comedy Central, 4 PM). HELLOOOO Michael Ian Black.

On second thought, don't, or you might end up in living in a trailer park. Although the ones featured on Millionaire Trailer Parks (Travel Channel, 4 PM) might not be that bad. As trailers go. Yeah, ok, WHO are they kidding?

Screw a Grammy -- surely the fact that there's now a True Hollywood Story: Amy Winehouse (E! 6 PM) means the addled singer has officially arrived. But again, I'm confused as to what Hollywood has to do with a bee-hived, cracked-out anorexic Brit soul singer. Well, except for the crack.

Ooooo! Ugly Betty finale (ABC, 8 PM) featuring La Lohan! Will she rule or will she drool? Or will she . . . . steal your fur coat?

Two. Hour. Grey's Anatomy (ABC, 9 PM) Finale. Christ what is with all these two frigging hour jammies? It's called TV. It's supposed to be for people with short attention spans. Jesus.