If you came of age in the nineties like I did (yes, I'm that young, people! I can't help that I'm precocious!), you too will revel in 40 Hottest Hotties of the Nineties (VH1, 4 PM), a long-overdue opportunity to bask in the unrivaled hotness of Luke Perry, LL Cool J, Tupac and the like. True story: When I was in eighth grade, I called information to get the phone number for the Chelsea Hotel in the hopes that they'd connect me with Ethan Hawke's room. They didn't.

Love it or hate it, Scrubs (NBC, 8:30 PM) might be singing its swan song tonight if ABC fails to save it from certain death at NBC. After seven years, Zach Braff's ugly mug has acquired a certain comforting familiarity -- like a hideous pair of holey sweatpants that you'd never be caught dead wearing but that you like to curl up in when you're feeling extra PMS-y. Not that I'd know. Because duh, I don't watch Scrubs. Nor to I own the aforementioned sweat pants. So shut up.

Scandal! The nurses institute a Date-and-Tell policy on Grey's Anatomy (ABC, 9 PM) in response to Mark's slatternly ways. Because it's ok to sleep with a herpes carrier, but you certainly don't want your health-care professional to be one.

More evil scheming and hairy pits abound on Survivor (CBS, 8 PM). Now that only one dude remains, the ladies try to use the Power of the Poon to get him ousted. Seriously this shit is beginning to seem more and more like Milf Island with each passing week.

The plot on this week's CSI (CBS, 9 PM) involves the death of a sitcom actress in Vegas. But I'll be tuning in to stare fixedly into Gary Dourdan's pupils to try and determine how many drugs he has in his system.

If the progeny of music vets like Joe Walsh and Olivia Newton-John had actual talent, presumably they wouldn't be attempting to launch their careers by appearing on Rock the Cradle (MTV, 10 PM). Not to mention no sane person would exploit her relationship to MC Hammer in the hopes that it would help her musical career. But naked desperation does make for amusing TV, so whatever.