In the most self-congratulatory episode of Dancing With the Stars ever, the show celebrates its 100th episode. Which considering that it is on usually two or three nights a week isn't really all that impressive... but whatever. I'm sure Samantha's head will explode from all the excitement. This super special installment will have stars of season's past and Mario Lopez showing off the fact that he's on Broadway. And something named a Rascal Flatts performing. I'm just going to fast-forward through all of that crap, because Mel and Maks are back! Though their appearance may just serve as a depressing reminder that this season is filled with tediously boring people. But hey, at least one of the boring folks will be axed tonight. (ABC, 9PM)

If the commercials for this week's Hell's Kitchen are to be believed, Gordon's screaming his head off because someone serves a 16-year-old birthday girl raw meat. Seriously? Isn't someone quality checking this stuff before it goes out? Isn't that what he's usually ranting about? Eh, nothing says Happy Sweet Sixteen like a nice bout of food poisoning, though this is probably what is deserved when you agree to leave your party in the hands of chefs with questionable experience who are cooking on a reality show. (FOX, 9 PM)

Wait, wait, wait. Andi finally realizes that she's in love with Sam after a whole season of flirting on Reaper. She just came to an understanding about his part-time job hunting down souls that have escaped from hell and now she decides to ditch him for her ex-boyfriend. Why do I think the devil has something to do with this? (CW, 9 PM)

Whenever I'm in need for some transport across New York City, I'm on the lookout for the Cash Cab, so I can win some money and impress the bald but beautiful Ben Bailey with my super trivia knowledge. I've got to be smarter than some of the moronic folks who get picked up and then dumped on the side of the road when they prove to be too stupid for words. Though I guess it is easy to be smug from the comfort of my cozy couch. (DISC, 6 PM)

Why watch American Idol for the next two weeks? Everyone knows it is going to come down to a showdown between the Davids. So save your ears from "music from the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame" and watch former Idol wannabe Jennifer Hudson sing out in her Oscar winning Dreamgirlsrole. I am telling you... do yourself a favor and watch it. (HBO, 9:30 PM)