Do you guys care about tennis? I don't, except for when it involves hot Frenchmen a la Roger Federer. So tuning into the French Open (NBC, Saturday 1 PM) is really a crap shoot. Though I always thought that if subliminal advertising really existed, they ought to implement it during televised tennis matches. Those volleys are so very hypnotizing. I'm starting to drool and nod out just thinking about it!

Permit me to take a stroll down memory lane -- all the way back to 2004(ish), when two Jennifer's battled to dominate the pages of tabloid media and the loins of Ben Affleck. Relive the bad old days by watching the Lopez suck-fest Maid In Manhattan (FX, Saturday 6 PM), immediatley followed by a fine film by the otherJennifer (that would be Garner), the not entirely gay 13 Going On 30 (FX, Saturday 8 PM). For once I think Affleck might've made the right decision. Here's lookin' at you, Dimples!

I'm not sure if the MTV Movie Awards are relevant anymore. Correction: I'm positive they're not relevant. Addendum: Were they ever relevant? Whatever, because that will not stop me and my fellow TWOP editors from live-blogging the shit out of it, if only to comment up-to-the-minute on how boring/stupid/pointless it is. And also to devise a drinking game tethered to each one of Mike Myers' vain attempts to be funny. (MTV, Sunday 8 PM)

Ok, first of all this wins the award for best title. Of anything. Ever. Transvestite Wives (BBC AMERICA , Sunday 10 PM) -- the name sort of says it all. It's a documentary about trannies and their loved ones. And it's British. Translation: it is educational and sophisticated while being simultaneously voyeuristic and vaguely trashy. Perfect combo! Better than chocolate and peanut butter.

I'm giving It's Complicated: Denise Richards (E!, Sunday 10 PM) one more week to prove itself and then I'm giving up. I mean what, last week's show centered on Denise's attempt to BREED her pot-bellied PIG. Talk about grasping at straws people. I want sordid. I want vulgar. I want shocking. And I want it fucking yesterday.

Horny murderous royals! The Tudors (Showtime, Sunday 9 PM) will be brand new and very likely feature gratuitous groping and kingly naughty bits.