Yes, I know the book version of Everything Is Illuminated (HBO2, Saturday, 1:30 PM) is allegedly way better than the movie. Blah blah blah. Guess what? I am functionally illiterate. And/or lazy. Whatever. Any opportunity to see Elijah Wood as a non-Hobbit (or, like, as non-Hobbitty as he can be at his diminutive stature) is sort of refreshing. Also, good: An excellent performance by Gogol Bordello singer Eugene Hutz.

Magic is sooo hot right now. The Prestige (E MYSTERY, Saturday, 10:20 AM) was released in the fall of 2006, is set in turn of the century Europe, and stars former Justin Timberlake flame Scarlett Johansson. The Illusionist (E LOVE, Saturday, 10:20 AM) was released in the fall of 2006, is set in turn of the century Europe, and stars current Justin Timberlake flame Jessica Biel. Here's a fun game: Flip back and forth between the two and let me know if you can perceive any demonstrable difference between the two.

The True Life franchise has perfected the art of what I like to call pop-anthropology. And in easy-to-digest half-hour nuggets, no less. I like to think they appeal to my intellectual and severely ADD side. So I'm giving you permission to hunker down for this marathon and write it off as an educational exercise. (MTV2, Sunday, 3:30 AM)

OMG you guys, the "civil war" rages on on Keeping Up With the Kardashians (E!, Sunday, 10 PM). Blackberries are hurled, ski trips are imperiled and Bruce Jenner raises his voice above an emasculated squawk. Here's hoping a bloody coup d'etat ensues!

If you have yet to accept that Family Guy (Fox, Sunday, 9 PM) is one of the funniest shows on air right now, either you've been chained up in an Austrian basement for the last seventeen years or you're on more mind-altering substances than Paula Abdul. Either way, you're beyond my help.

To make up for all the dumb crapola you've watched this weekend, you might consider listening to some Beethoven. Or reading some Kant. Or you could just redeem yourself by watching classy, quality TV in the form of Brothers and Sisters (ABC, Sunday, 10 PM). It's got one of those fancy "ensemble" casts. And didn't Sally Field win like an Oscar or some shit?