Ever wonder what would've happened if you married that no-good high school boyfriend that you used to skip school to smoke pot with? Apparently forethought is an attribute the poor young morons featured on back-to-back episodes of MTV's Engaged & Underage (MTV, 6 PM) do not possess. But no worries: there's a reason god invented divorce!

I had a really big revelation yesterday when I wrote about how Joan Rivers got kicked off a British chat show for cursing: Kathy Griffin totally bites Joan's style! The swearing, the talking smack about celebs, the former red carpet gig, the self-deprecating humor and the oodles of plastic surgery? Check, check and check! And yet somehow, I adore Big Red and can't stand Joan Rivers. Why is that? Let's all contemplate this while we watch a new episode of Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List (Bravo, 10 PM).

Yay! Another dance show! But this one champions a more "urban" flavor. Oh, and creepy masks. Randy Jackson Presents: America's Best Dance Crew (MTV, 10 PM) makes its season premiere tonight.

In the event that you didn't wring every salty tear out of your body watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind on Hulu yesterday, get a load of the sob-fest that is Dancer In the Dark (WGNSAT 8 PM). Bjork. Goes blind. And gets executed. It's just too horrible to even contemplate. Hopefully you'll feel emotionally bereft afterward.

What would we do without Penn and Teller defending our civil liberties and constitutional rights? Why, we'd be in a sorry, porn-free state, that's what! War On Porn, tonight's installment of the docu-reality program Penn & Teller: Bullshit! (Showtime, 10PM), explores interest groups hell-bent on ridding the world of X-tube and similar. Jerks!

You know, I should really be on Steve Carrell's effing pay roll considering I talk about his awesomeness to anyone who will listen for at least three hours per day. Oh, who am I kidding? The genius sells itself! Carrell is gonna be on Jimmy Kimmel (ABC, 12:30 AM) tonight promoting Get Smart.