If you are an android or a mole person, you might not have heard of a movie actress by the name of Angelina Jolie. Certainly you might not be privy to the intimate details of her life (dabbling in lesbo-ism, kissing her brother, wearing blood samples as jewelry, adopting the United Nations, and procreating with an equally famous and photogenic movie actor). If you've any hope of keeping your cover as a normal human, you'll need to pay careful attention to the E! True Hollywood Story: Angelina Jolie (E! 4 PM) so as to avoid staring slack-jawed into space when someone brings up "Brangelina" in conversation.

Obviously you are nutso-bananas stoked about the forthcoming Batman: The Dark Knight. To up the pants-peeing excitement level, re-acquaint yourself with the storyline via Batman Begins (FX, 7 PM) and ogle Christan Bale's brutal hotness.

Being that I'm on a first-name basis with my various and sundry collections agents, I'd probably be wise to watch the documentary Maxed Out: Hard Times, Easy Credit and the Era of Predatory Lenders (Showtime 9:30PM). But I'm probably gonna be busy buying shit on eBay.

Hi! I'm a crazy cat lady! Are you? Revel in your zany feline obsesh with Explorer -- Science of Cats (National Geographic Channel, 10PM) and if anyone tries to step to you, claw their eyes out while affecting a disinterested attitude.

The Oxygen Channel makes a bid to beat E! at its own game by bringing us another inane-yet-fascinating list of celebs and their ranking on an equally irrelevant list. Tune in to The 25iest: Power Couples (Oxygen, 10 PM) and see how it fares against the Mother of All Dumb Celebrity Lists network.

The excellent Secret Lives of Women (WE, 10 PM) docu-series will focus on PORN STARS tonight. Timely, because sex work is totally the new black.