I'm not entirely sure what the criteria was for E!'s special 12 Sexiest Hollywood Jobs (E!, Saturday 2 PM) was, or whether they're being tongue in cheek (because these specials are generally so cutting and clever!) But I'm posing this question to the E! producers: Twelve? Really? Not ten? Not fifteen? If there was any doubt as to whether you dashed this puppy off quick and left early for the weekend, the decidedly arbitrary numeral in the title is proof. Lazy fucks.

With all the folderol about a forthcoming, PG-rated, Bret Ratner-helmed Beverly Hills Cop sequel, I think it's best we all get back to basics and remember the movie's roots. Watch the one and only original Beverly Hills Cop (Bravo, Saturday 10 PM ), aka TOAOOBHC and make your best effort to keep it real.

I love it when shows reveal everything you need to know about them in the title. Because heaven forbid I get confused about the subject matter of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant (DHC, Sunday 8 PM) and forget to TiVO it.

Ok at this point I've resigned myself to the fact that Living Lohan (E! Sunday 10:30 PM) is bad TV. Not even the good kind of bad. And yet ... There must be something hypnotizing about the orange-y sheen of Dina Lohan's hide, because I keep coming back for more.

Praise be unto Jesus! D'Onof is back in all his twitchy, potato-headed glory for the season premiere of Law & Order: Criminal Intent (USA, Sunday 9 PM). Chunk-chunk.

I kind of hate former The Next Food Network Star (Food Network, 10 PM) Guy Fieri, ie the male, southern Californian counterpart to Rachael Ray. So I'm really holding out hope that the next person they crown doesn't make me feel like murderizing everyone.