Witness the precise moment when Ashton Kutcher went from vaguely tolerable goofy TV actor to obnoxious, self-styled producer/reality show potentate with six back-to-back episodes of Punk'd (MTV2, 3 PM)

I was unaware that there was a Revenge of the Nerds IV (HBO Family, 3:35 PM). To be honest, I was also not aware there was a Revenge of the Nerds II or III. Clearly my priorities are all out of whack.

This is just a shot in the dark, but I'm guessing that if the British authorities and Scotland Yards and shit haven't come out with any new, ground-breaking evidence of a conspiracy, the contents of Who Killed Diana (WE, 6 PM) aren't gonna be all that earth-shattering. Call me crazy.

Now that I'm old and corpulent and don't have the energy to actually play Dance Dance Revolution, I am content to watch Dance Machine (ABC, 8 PM) and live vicariously through the wannabe dancers. See, I know when to give up the dream.

I appreciate that there are purists out there who want to relive the authentic experience of watching ALF (WGNSAT, 8 PM) on actual TV rather than on Hulu like Mindy and other "web-savvy" individuals.

Oh, that new show Flashpoint (CBS, 10 PM) is premiering tonight! Even the promos stress me the hell out though, so you guys watch and tell me if it's good. Thanks!