I keep accidentally mixing Mad Money (CNBC, 6 PM) and Mad Men up in my head - I hunker down, ready to enjoy an excellent period drama about advertising execs in 1960s New York and what I get instead is headline news about like stocks and bonds and crap. But I've been making some pretty savvy investments lately, so maybe it's not a total loss.

If you've never seen Albert and David Mayles' incredi-effing-ble documentary Grey Gardens (Sundance, 5:15 PM) about kooky Jacqueline Kennedy cousins Big and Little Edie Bouvier Beale, you need to 1) give yourself a firm, open handed smack across the face from me and 2) watch it immediately. You'll have a whole new outlook on dressing for the day.

To celebrate Bastille Day, TCM is hosting an entire day of movies devoted to the French revolution and decapitation and stuff. Catch A Tale of Two Cities (TCM, 3:15 PM) and adopt a mob mentality. Or just get some knitting done.

The season premiere of The Closer (TNT, 9 PM) is tonight and it is a doozy, people. Trust me. I watched a preview of it and couldn't sleep with the lights off for a week, if that's any indication.

From what I've read, Anthony Bourdain's trip to Colombia, captured in this new episode of No Reservations (Travel, 10 PM), was so incredible that it's made him into a borderline cock-eyed optimist. Perhaps they just caught him when he was indulging in the country's number one export?

The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters (G4, 11:30PM), a documentary about competitors in the world championship Donkey Kong tournament, will appeal to uber-nerds and normal folk alike.