Is it me or wasn't there a multi-part TV movie series called If Walls Could Talk (HGTV, 5 PM) on like Lifetime or some shit? Like, that dealt with lesbianism and rape and all manner of lady issue? Oh wait, that was If These Walls Could Talk. Well I'm guessing the show on HGTV doesn't tackle the same subject matter, though with an episode title like "Red-Light Mystery," I really wish it would.

If you tune into The Neon Bible (TMC, 4:45 PM) expecting to see Arcade Fire live in concert, you might be disappointed. But you should persevere because the movie based on the John Kennedy Toole book is actually pretty good in its own right.

In case you didn't know, Escape from New York (AMC, 6 PM) is a friggin classic. Kurt Russell as a bad guy with a get out of jail free card in an apocalyptic imagining of the NYC of the future. 'Nuff said.

This one goes out to TWOP editor Zach Oat: Tonight's episode of Unwrapped (Food Network, 9 PM) is titled "Chip Addiction." A sequel called "Chip Intervention" is undoubtedly in the works. Happy munching!

This is just a guess, but I'm thinking Verminators: Roach Overload (Discovery, 10 PM) is another one of those shows that is gonna make me never sleep with the lights off again. Or eat, for that matter.

I applaud the brass at E! for giving me even more opportunities to ogle my sexy-snarky crush-object Joel McHale in the form of The Soup Presents. This week McHale tackles "People Who Won't Go Away," which I have to imagine will probably include the vast majority of the celebs with shows on E! The irony!