All kidding aside, I would rather be watching the 2008 Tour of Gymnastics Superstars (MyTV, 8 PM) than a presidential debate. I wish I were joking.

20/20: Portrait of a President (ABC, 8 PM) will take you through the childhoods of both Barack Obama and John McCain so people can decide which one is the most relatable to them and then base their November presidential vote largely on that matter. Again, I wish I were joking.

Most Haunted: Chislehurst Caves (Travel, 10 PM) sounds terribly quaint, for being a place inhabited by murderous banshees.

Hey, I found something called Snake Island (TMCX, 10 PM)! And all I got was this lousy Anacanda flashback.

The "crap" categorization I mentioned above does not apply to The Soup (E!, 10 PM)

Nor does it apply to Best Week Ever (VH1, 11 PM), obviously.