Last week's Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (Fox, 8 PM) premiere kicked all kinds of ass, but it was awfully Terminator 2-reference heavy, from a liquid metal cyborg's needle finger going through someone's cranium to a car chase in the L.A. river, and so on. This week? My money's on John teaching Cameron how to call someone a "dickwad," if only for the fact that Lena Headey couldn't cock a shotgun with one arm if her acting career depended on it.

Those sluts on Gossip Girl (CW, 8 PM) take advantage of a blackout and get caught having sex in the middle of a crisis tonight! Oh, Blair Waldorf. You may be a lights out kind of girl, but you're still a dirty tramp.

It is my solemn vow to one day win the grand prize on America's Toughest Jobs (NBC, 9 PM). Just as soon as I learn how to drive a big-rig and manage to conquer my paralyzing fear of people and things that are outside I'm! Gonna! Win it!

Those guys on Prison Break (Fox, 9 PM) commit like 90 felonies per episode, because, you know, what fun is being a fugitive if you have to keep a low profile?

The Hills (MTV, 10 PM) is more of a staring contest than a show, but that's cool. Who needs music content on a music channel when you can watch people looking at each other?

The feds are onto them on Weeds (Showtime, 10 PM) and I ain't never been so scared! I'll never talk! You can torture me all you want!