Ew, that show Sex With Mom and Dad (MTV, 7 PM) is on.

On tonight's episode of 90210 (The CW, 8 PM) ... Luke Perry's pre-recorded voice!

I like watching Biggest Loser: Family (NBC, 8 PM) with a piping hot bowl of buttery mashed potatoes, but that's just me.

People seem to like The Mentalist (CBS, 9 PM). I'll give it one thing, that Simon Baker's a sexy manwich.

Last week on Food Detectives (Food Network, 9 PM), former Queer Eye foodie Ted Allen explored how much fecal matter is in the bar nuts I regularly make a meal of. This week he uncovers how to deal with the heart burn that inevitably comes of eating such a high concentration of germs. And by "heart burn" I, of course, mean dysentery.

Dear The Rachel Zoe Project (Bravo, 10 PM), please tell Taylor to take a long walk off a short dock, and Brad for president. Love, Lauren.