I bet you Bristol Palin never watched The Secret Life of the American Teenager (ABC Family, 8 PM) because her mom thinks ABC Family is too controversial. What a ho!

90210, (The CW, 8 PM), which falls into my very favorite category of show, the Rich A-Holes genre, returns for another scintillating week. I'm still not sure how I feel about it but after tonight i'm gonna stop trying to be charitable.

Another solid member (hahaha I said solid member) of the aforementioned category is Privileged (The CW, 9 PM) , which premieres tonight and may or may not suck real bad.

Jesus H. Criminy! The long-awaited J.J. Abrams buzz-bonanza Fringe (Fox, 8 PM) also premieres this night of nights. I tell ya, it's either feast or famine with this TV racket. Whether or not you are good at science, I advise you to tune in.

Do you like cop dramas? Sure you do! Get a load of the lauded series The Shield (FX, 10 PM), which features a bald guy in a starring role. How egalitarian!

Ewe ew ew! The Rachel Zoe Project (Bravo, 11 PM) -- hint: it doesn't involve attempting to eat solid food -- premieres tonight! Take a shot every time she resembles a coat rack!