If you're thinking about getting married, watch The Anniversary Party (WGNSAT, Saturday 4 PM) starring my lesbian crush Jennifer Jason Leigh and talk to me afterward.

Anna Faris is on SNL (NBC, Saturday 11:30 PM), and Duffy is the musical guest. That's a lot of blonde girls!

I bet you there's a lot of swear words in the new Chris Rock comedy special, Kill the Messenger (HBO, Saturday 9 PM). Because everyone knows swear words are funny! Shit!

Desperate Housewives (ABC, Sunday 9 PM) beams to you from five years in the future, where sadly, Desperate Housewives is still on television.

Some people really like that show Brothers and Sisters (ABC, Sunday 10 PM) .

Softcore porn and David Duchovny -- not since chocolate and peanut butter has there been a pairing more perfect. In other words, Californication (Showtime, Sunday 10 PM) returns for a second season tonight.