Tradition! It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown (ABC, 8 PM) makes its annual ABC appearance tonight. [Full disclosure alert: I've never made it all the way to the end of this thing, or the Christmas one. I realize this makes me a damn dirty Commie, an America-hating terrorist, and, for good measure, somehow a cheap tramp, but I just don't get the Peanuts. Never have, never will.]

Fringe isn't on tonight for some ungodly reason, so I'm forced to talk about 90210 (CW, 9 PM), which is on tonight, as it is every Tuesday night, as it will likely be for the next 14 Tuesday nights, for some even ungodlier reason.

The long-awaited Huddy kiss is happening on tonight's House (Fox, 8 PM), even though for years I've said that while Hugh Laurie may be very, very sexy, I just have a feeling he's a terrible kisser. I'm psychic about these things, Cuddy! Just ask anyone who's ever attended Fleet Week with me! Don't do it! It's not worth it!

The Mentalist (CBS, 9 PM) is new. It's like Psych, but with people who actually watch it!

Tonight's Eli Stone (ABC, 10 PM) is titled "Unwritten," and the second I read that my brain instantly went: "OMG they've switched their celebrity to Natasha Bedingfield which automatically means SpyDaddy will be prancing around singing that shampoo song all episode!!!" Then I realized that none of those things are true. And that I'm insane.

If I cry and puke about a roller coaster, do I get to be on TV too? Paris Hilton's My New BFF (MTV, 10 PM)