So here's a thing I'm considering getting tattooed on my person, even though it isn't true: True Life: I Am a Mixed Martial Arts Fighter (MTV2, Saturday, 8 PM). (Yes, of course without the channel and time location. What am I, crazy?)

Before the whole JLo fiasco, the rehab fiasco and the Daredevil fiasco, Ben Affleck was one of the best Saturday Night Live (NBC, Saturday, 11:30 PM) hosts ever. I'm serious; his 2000 hosting duties is one of my favorite episodes ever. So give the guy a break and watch tonight.

I know, I know, tick tock, but seriously -- those frat boys have got to go! The Amazing Race 13 (CBS, Sunday, 8 PM)

I'm unbelievably uncomfortable even thinking about Purity Balls (TLC, Sunday, 9 PM), but I know I wanna get drunk and yell at this thing. Preferably in the company of the sluttiest people I know (read: everyone I know).

Dexter (Showtime, Sunday, 9 PM) has a sidekick now, and I'm OK with it. Because that sidekick was also on a kick ass show I like to call L.A. Law.

Also great when you're drunk and want to yell at your television: Brothers and Sisters (ABC, Sunday, 10 PM), bless its heart.