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Sunday, March 1
The Donald is back when another season of The Celebrity Apprentice (NBC, 9pm) premieres Sunday night with an all new cast of "celebrities" (sure Donald, we'll call them that if you want us to) embracing their first challenge -- selling cupcakes on the streets of New York. Think about this next question seriously: if Joan Rivers and Dennis Rodman accosted you with a tray of baked goods of questionable origin on your way to the ATM, what would you do? Yeah, I'd run too.

Can't get enough of those wacky Walkers? Then tune in for the Brothers & Sisters (ABC, 9pm) two-hour special episode, in which birth and death will go hand-in-hand, as they so often do. Especially during sweeps week...

I broke up with this show a few months ago after they killed off my sweet Jim, despite them saying they were going to find a way to keep him around. Well, keep him around they have -- he's apparently some sort of spirit living in another man's body, but sometimes he looks like Jim and sometimes he looks like the other guy, and even though he has Jim's spirit or whatever, he doesn't have his memories? So basically it seems like Melinda's moved on a to a new man who has some stuff in common with Jim, and sometimes she thinks he looks like Jim, but he's really not anything at all like Jim? I just can't even bring myself to watch to see if that is what is really happening, but with what I've pieced together, that seems to be the gross and annoying gist of it.

If you have been unable to quit this show -- I still watch a lot of crap that I should have given up on (Grey's Anatomy, Degrassi, and Ugly Betty) in the vain hope that they will return to the show that I once remembered -- I understand. Anyway, if you are still following it, tonight's the night that Melinda tells not-Jim that she can see and talk to dead people. Chances are, this is not going to go well. I might tune in just to see if this show is as ridiculous as it sounds like it has become. So disappointing. Remember when all anyone talked about when they referenced this show was Jennifer Love Hewitt's cleavage? Could we find a happy medium please? Oh wait, happy Medium... yeah, I'd rather be watching that similarly themed show instead... and that's saying a lot because I really don't like some of her annoying kids.

If you are looking for something else to watch (and I pretty much hope that you are) check out our week in preview. There are alternatives. I swear.

Things have been touch and go for Ugly Betty this season, and for a while -- like when ABC announced the show would be placed on indefinite hiatus in March -- they were downright bleak. But as of a couple weeks ago, the head honchos were assuring UG acolytes that the show would be back for a new season, so don't count out this migraine-inducing fashion circus just yet. Just start watching it through a peep-hole camera like I do! It's much more soothing on the eyeballs.

It's culinary judgment day, everybody. And although Stefan's been really sucking lately, I still say he's going to take it. As much as I adore Carla and would be ecstatic with her winning, I think the much-deserved kick in the balls Stefan got at Judges' Table last week woke him up. I don't think he thinks he has it in the bag anymore, and the final challenge looks to be to create a fancy three course meal, and we all know Stefan can do that and do it well. Still, much love to Carla, though. I think she has it in her too.

Well, it's the season finale of Privileged, or as I like to call it, Sex and the Miami McMansion Maid's Quarters. Frankly I'm a little shocked that it's actually managed to stay the course for an entire run. In this less than nurturing television climate, it's sort of amazing that a quiet little Chick-Lit series with a color palette straight out of a Delia's catalog would make it this far. I mean that as a compliment, people! Sure, the show's not as lurid as 90210 or as stylish as Gossip Girl, but the dialogue's snappy and smart and the plots, while not always as compelling as, say, the Blair-Chuck trainwreck, are consistent and well crafted. And it's rare and serendipitous when shows like that actually gain enough of an audience to keep on rolling, am I right?

24 sure is moving along nicely this season, isn't it? This week, Sean (or "nerdy Don Draper" as we call him in my house) continues to be the mole, but Janis is probably going to be blamed for it for a while; Walker continues to spiral into mini-Jackdom, and Moss continues to be really judgmental about it; Jack's gonna yell a lot and continue pursuing Dubaku, hopefully in a manner that will also avoid having that lovely waitress girlfriend of his end up dead, and Taylor's bad hair will continue to distract and piss me off. Who knows how any of this will come to be! It's 24 -- it's a mystery! Unfortunately, I have no intel on what Bill and Tony will be up to, but I do know one thing for certain: Sprague Grayden is a very cool actress, but that First Daughter character is annoying the hell out of me already. This is totally Regina King all over again.

For a peek of what else is on this week, take a gander at our Week in Preview.

It's Ye Olde Oscar Tyme! Which this year will (allegedly) feature more abstemious red carpet looks (borrrrrrrrrrring), the first Aussie host since Paul Hogan shared duties with Goldie Hawn and Chevy Chase in '87, the first Aniston-Jolie face-off (and subsequent bitch-face-off) ever, and a bunch of time-suck song-and-dance numbers to fill up the time slot and pad out the announcement of the winners we all already know will get the little gold man. According to the verrrrry accurate prediction market InTrade, that will mean Slumdog for Best Pic, Boyle for Best Director, Rourke for Best Actor, Winslet for Best Actress, Ledger for Best Supporting dude and Penelope Cruz for Best Supporting dudette. The only real surprise will be whether Kung Fu Panda or Wall-E wins for Best Animated thingystuff, so if you're a gambling man (or woman), this might be your first and last chance to get your undies in a bunch over a cartoon.

And the Oscar goes to...

Sunday, February 22
It's finally time...no, not for another season of Survivor, Tocantins has barely started, you impatient people!...for the 81st Annual Academy Awards (ABC, 8:30pm)! And if you'd like to go for broke and extend your Oscar-watching experience past the twenty-four-hour mark (just kidding, it will only be twenty-three hours this year!), tune in to The Barbara Walters Oscar Special (ABC, 7pm) and watch her interview Hugh Jackman, Anne Hathaway, Mickey Rourke and...the Jonas Brothers???? Ugh, never mind...I guess you could watch red carpet coverage instead -- E! starts theirs at 1pm!

And for those of you not in the mood to watch an assortment of self-congratulatory famous people fawn all over each other, you can be a rebel and watch the finale of Confessions of a Teen Idol (VH1, 8pm), in which an assortment of self-congratulatory non-famous people will fawn all over each other! See the difference? Listen, I can pretty much guarantee you that Scott Baio will not be hugging any severely needy men-children at the Oscars, so for those of you who feel you need a little Chachi love: you're welcome.

He may just be moving to L.A. and 11:30 (with Max and co. in tow!), but tonight's final episode of Late Night with Conan as its host still feels like the end of an era. This entire final week has been amazing -- the Stephen Colbert string dance-off, the Martha Stewart drinking contest, the reappearance of Clive Clemmons, etc. -- so I'm sure tonight's episode will send Conesy off to Hollywood with a bang. The only guest info I know for sure is that his longtime buds The White Stripes will be playing, but you know everybody and their mother will probably show up as a surprise guest for the bittersweet final taping. Personally, I'm hoping for Will Ferrell to return in his "Sexy Leprechaun" glory ("Corned beef?") and a final Slipnuts performance in particular, but really, all bets are off here. Let's all stay up past our bedtimes to watch and try not to get too misty. As Conan would say, keep cool, my babies!

Okay, so we can be tough on My Name is Earl sometimes, but it's tough love. The show is usually pretty darn hysterical, so we hold it to a, uh... a higher standard! Yeah, that's the ticket! The regular characters are great (even the ones they don't use cough Catalina cough), and the hysterical guest stars are usually brilliantly chosen and not used as stuntcasting in any way, shape or form (cough Paris Hilton cough). So you can bet that we'll be tuning in tonight to see Danny Glover playing the role of Darnell's father. Here's hoping that he, too, has massive tendrils of hair big enough to hide a phone in.