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Sunday, February 22, 2009: The Oscars

by Lauren Gitlin February 21, 2009 6:00 am
Sunday, February 22, 2009: The Oscars

It's Ye Olde Oscar Tyme! Which this year will (allegedly) feature more abstemious red carpet looks (borrrrrrrrrrring), the first Aussie host since Paul Hogan shared duties with Goldie Hawn and Chevy Chase in '87, the first Aniston-Jolie face-off (and subsequent bitch-face-off) ever, and a bunch of time-suck song-and-dance numbers to fill up the time slot and pad out the announcement of the winners we all already know will get the little gold man. According to the verrrrry accurate prediction market InTrade, that will mean Slumdog for Best Pic, Boyle for Best Director, Rourke for Best Actor, Winslet for Best Actress, Ledger for Best Supporting dude and Penelope Cruz for Best Supporting dudette. The only real surprise will be whether Kung Fu Panda or Wall-E wins for Best Animated thingystuff, so if you're a gambling man (or woman), this might be your first and last chance to get your undies in a bunch over a cartoon.

Speaking to a reporter about the upcoming broadcast, beefcake host Hugh Jackman said "...we're going to do most of it naked, and we're going to sing through the whole show. In fact, all the acceptance speeches are going to be sung. There will be some interpretive dance behind them, and I really think it will be beautiful and touching." Somehow we think he's joking. Sad! So get on your party hats and fill every vessel in your house with Oscar Punch (equal parts vodka, gin, rum, whiskey, tequila, Old English, Zima and Crystal Light Pink Lemonade featuring Adele), and prepare to take a shot every time someone says "amazing," or "honored," or starts to hyperventilate. Keep a barf bag at the ready.

The ceremony kicks off at 8:30 on ABC. For a look at other programmes (I'm a royal) on the boob tube this week, check out our Week in Preview.

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