Monday, March 2
Craving more two-hour episodes? Come on over to 24 (FOX, 8pm) for a double helping of Jack Bauer. But be sure to take your beta-blockers first because two hours in the life of this man is more intense television than you'll probably experience for the rest of the year. Bonus: Kurtwood Smith and Jon Voight guest star!

Guess what, Brothers & Sisters and 24: The Bachelor (ABC, 8pm) just kicked your asses hard with a not two-hour, not three-hour, but four-hour finale special! No, I am not making this up...after Jason takes two hours to hand out his final rose, The Bachelor: After The Final Rose, Part 1 (ABC, 10pm) is going to blow your mind and then continue to blow your mind on Tuesday night with The Bachelor: After The Final Rose, Part 2 (ABC, 10pm). And after all that, if you want to watch any incarnation of The Bachelor ever again...I'm sure you'll be able to.

The Season 3 premiere of Rules of Engagement (CBS, 9:30pm) is not going to be an extra-long episode. We know, we know, we were on a roll! But it will involve David Spade's character's secret passion for musicals and will feature Bob Odenkirk from Mr. Show as a guest star, so that could be good.

The extremely awesome and incredibly talented Holly Hunter returns to television on Tuesday for the second half of her angel-talking, crime-fighting, Oklahoma-City-guilt-having, drinking-to-the-point-of-self-destructing series Saving Grace (TNT, 10pm). The mere fact that Holly Hunter is involved should speak for itself here.

Tuesday, March 3
Everyone's favorite bounty-hunter-in-the-service-of-Satan is back when Reaper (CW, 8pm) returns for its second season. Oh, Mr. Belvedere...

And just when you thought Nip/Tuck (FX, 10pm) couldn't get any crazier (okay, if you really thought that then you have a lot to learn about this show), the finale episode goes and brings us a new level of insanity with both vampires and cryonics! Hey, our man Christian Troy will do a lot to prevent himself from dying of breast cancer. But craziest of all is the fact that it appears Christian and Liz may indeed be going ahead with their ludicrous sham wedding. Why, show? Why?

Wednesday, March 3
Yes. YES! Another two-hour episode...of America's Next Top Model (CW, 8pm)! Cycle 4,591,620 (approximately) kicks off in Las Vegas, where presumably many of the contestants will be mistaken for embarrassingly-dressed Showgirls-style fame seekers by hapless casino guests, then moves to New York in Hour 2 where the thirteen finalists discover that their fabulous apartment only has room for twelve ...uh-oh. I'm going to go out on a limb here and predict that someone may end up getting it twisted.

Still depressed by Hosea's soul-deadening victory? The only justice we can hope for now is to watch him squirm when Andy Cohen inevitably puts him and Leah on the spot during the Top Chef: Watch What Happens Reunion (Bravo, 9pm). Whatever, I'll only be watching for more hilariously-accented non-sequiturs from Fabio and to pay respect to my girl Carla. She'll always be Top Chef in my heart.

Wait, there's another modeling competition show premiering tonight? Huh, this one has men too...well, anyway Make Me a Supermodel (Bravo, 10pm) is returning to the airwaves for its second season. One day there should be a walk-off between Miss Jay and Tyson Beckford. Fierce!

Thursday, March 4
Okay America, you've already watched two episodes this week but you're damn well going to have to watch a third because tonight is the night when American Idol (FOX, 8pm) reveals the top twelve finalists -- and yes, this means wildcards! So it is your responsibility to get on your knees and start praying right about NOW to keep Tatiana and Nick/Normund/Whatever from a place in the final.

Hooray, The Office (NBC, 9pm) is back from its mysterious two weeks off the air! This week a Lonely Hearts Club comes to Dunder Mifflin Scranton, and Pam and Jim are chastised for too much PDA in the office (am I the only one who finds that hard to believe?).

Chase your shot of The Office with a delightful new 30 Rock (NBC, 9:30pm), in which Liz tries to adopt a donut shop employee's baby and we all celebrate the (I hope) end of the painfully unfunny Jalisa storyline. Oh, and Patti LuPone and John Lithgow will be there for some reason.

It's time to say goodbye to our favorite crew of rogue agents when Burn Notice (USA, 10pm) airs its Season 2 finale. Methinks things are going to get, shall we say, explosive between Michael and Carla...

Friday, March 5
Yay, Summer Glau has lots to do in this week's episode of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (FOX, 8pm)! Turns out Cameron's glitch causes a whole bunch of problems for the Connor gang -- if you're wondering how bad, take how it sucks when your laptop crashes, multiply it by a million because your laptop is not responsible for protecting your life (usually), and there you go.

Battlestar Galactica (SciFi, 10pm) fans get ready, because tonight's episode is the last before the multi-part finale officially hits the small screen next week. What a long, strange trip it's been...