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Monday, March 30, 2009: The Hills

by Rebecca Bellotto March 30, 2009 6:00 AM
Monday, March 30, 2009: The Hills

Season 7,683,412.839 of The Hills is back, y'all! Okay, it's really only Season 5...but this show is soooooo tedious that it feels longer. However, as every magazine or website that is willing to give space to pictures of shiny fauxlebrities seems to be intent in hammering into our brains, this is Lauren Conrad's last season! Got that everyone, she's not going to be on the show anymore! Okay, then...but since MTV hasn't actually said anything about canceling the series, does this mean that it could go on without her? And without Audrina, who is leaving The Hills after making a deal with Mark Burnett? Gosh, who does that leave...Speidi! A show about Speidi! Except guess what: that show would be the end of civilization as we know it. Hopefully MTV has the wisdom to understand that and act accordingly.

Anyway, on to what's actually airing tonight: the premiere episode isn't actually until next week, but MTV is shamelessly programming four hours of Hills crap anyway, most of it repeats. At 9 PM we have something old called The Hills: The Lost Scenes which actually scares me because usually deleted scenes are deleted for a reason (i.e. because they are unnecessary and boring), which given the unnecessary and boring factor of this show in general means that these lost scenes probably have the tranquilizing power of an elephant sedative. Next up is a The Hills: Launch Special which is bound to feature of lot of awkward fakey fake fake tension between Lauren's crew and the Evil Empire a.k.a. Speidi. Then at 11 PM we've got another repeat of some monstrosity called The Hills: Lauren Looks Back and then a repeat of the Launch Special. So there you have it -- four hours of your life sacrificed on the altar of making talentless people rich for no reason whatsoever. Hooray!

Don't have the energy to climb The Hills? Check out our Week in Preview!

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