Based on the promos, I can already tell I'm going to want to bitchslap "conspiracy theorist" Monique for pretending she knows a goddamn thing about politics, who posits in an interview with the judges that the government orchestrated 9/11. You can go hole up with Mel Gibson and get outta my damned face, Mo.

Bravo's hedging its bets to compete with the ANTM warhorse, debuting a new season of their own modelizing reality show, Make Me a Supermodel. At this rate they really oughta rename Wednesdays "Feel Fat, Ugly and Bad About Yourself Day." It's got a nice ring to it, don't you think?

ANTM's two-bloody-hour premiere airs tonight at 8 PM on The CW. Make Me a Supermodel will assault your eyes at 10 PM on Bravo. Hell-bent on maintaining some vestige of your self-esteem? Avoid the model onslaught and see what else is on offer with our Week in Preview.