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Going Through Channels

Week in Preview: April 12, 2009 – April 18, 2009

by Rebecca Bellotto April 11, 2009 6:00 am

Sunday, April 12
Love, or perhaps just syphilis, is in the air tonight as Bret Michaels chooses his latest two-months-if-she's-lucky hookup lady love on the finale of Rock of Love: Bus (VH1, 9pm). Unfortunately for everyone involved, the last skanks standing are boring-twins Mindy and Taya, ladies who consistently bring a funk much worse than any previous contestant, hard as that is to believe (we're looking at you, everyone who's ever been on this show).

Tracey Ullman is bringing the funny back to your TV (assuming you get Showtime...) with the second season premiere of her wickedly funny State of the Union (Showtime, 10pm)! See Tracey impersonate Dina Lohan! And Renee Zellweger! And Tom Brokaw! Oh, and a dude is going to carve the Statue of Liberty out of 1200 pounds of cheese! Yes, please.

Monday, April 13
Saving Grace (TNT, 10pm) ends tonight, and Grace discovers that Earl may have been stepping out on her with another lady. Or, put another way, someone else has been having visions of her guardian angel. Same diff.

Hey, remember when Nip/Tuck was set in Miami? Looks like CSI: Miami (CBS, 10pm) has stepped in to fill the void with a plastic surgery episode cleverly entitled "Chip/Tuck." Ha! Oh, and Brooke Burns and Elizabeth Berkley are guest stars, because I imagine those ladies may know a thing or two about that particular business.

MTV is premiering their companion piece for The Hills tonight, a little ditty called College Life (MTV, 10:30pm) that the network has chosen to saddle with the tagline "This is not reality television, this is real." Let's ignore that delusional yet surprisingly self-aware sentence for a moment and discuss the fact that this show is just four college freshmen at the University of Wisconsin - Madison filming stuff, according to MTV. Because people don't act differently when they know they're on camera at all! This is real, everybody. This is real.

Tuesday, April 14
Got a fever and the only prescription is more Tim Gunn? Well, tune in to The Biggest Loser (NBC, 8pm), because it's makeover episode night! Mr. Gunn's tasteful discretion will surely be at its finest.

It's the episode of 90210 (CW, 9pm) that everyone's been waiting for... assuming "everyone" consists of Juno fans and devotees of the original series. Yes friends, an older and wiser Donna is returning this week to impart hard-won life lessons to her younger, more-prone-to-scandalous-video-leakage counterparts after many years in... Japan. Plus, she gets wrangled into designing a red-carpet dress for screenwriter Diablo Cody! Better not try to make her wear million-dollar shoes, though, because Diablo will be pi-issed.

Wednesday, April 15
Bones (FOX, 8pm) is getting a special airing this week in addition to its regular spot on Thursday. Why is Lie to Me being preempted? I don't know. Anyway, tune in to see if they took our advice and shaped up.

Kathy Griffin WILL cut a bitch...and if you don't believe it, check out her new Bravo stand-up special Kathy Griffin: She'll Cut a Bitch (Bravo, 9pm). I think the name says it all. And if that's not enough Kathy for you, because really, it never is...

Watch Bravo's A-List Awards (Bravo, 10pm)! Because Kathy is hosting, not because you need to know which male celebrity will win the A-List Abs Award. (My vote: Christian Bale, because if he gets angry enough, he might actually be able to knock you unconscious with his -- that's quality abdominal musculature for you.) Although the A-List Kate Award ("Given to the Kate with the mostest") could prove pretty contentious, what with a record ten Kates (and Cates and Mary-Kates) vying for the prize.

The Cougar (TV Land, 10pm) is premiering tonight! Hahaha, Courteney Cox is so funny...oh wait, this isn't the Courteney Cox version? It's The Bachelor with a 40-year-old lady and twentysomething guys? Ugh, never mind.

Thursday, April 16
The Phantom is back... no, not on SyFy! (Okay, yes it is, but just keep reading!) Billy Zane (see, that's what I was... oh, never mind) will guest star on Samantha Who? (ABC, 8:30pm) this week as Winston Funk, billionaire ex-lover of Sam who finally makes an appearance after a tease last season. And they're in Vegas this week! Really, what's not to like?

Battlestar Galactica (sniff...) alums are just everywhere lately... Kate Vernon, a.k.a. Fifth Cylon Ellen Tigh, is making an appearance on CSI (CBS, 9pm), in which Hodges and Wendy end up investigating a murder at a science fiction convention! And even more excitingly, this episode was written by two BSG staff writers! Will wonders never cease?

If you haven't been watching Free Radio (VH1, 11pm), you should tune in this week, and I'll tell you why: 1.) It's very funny 2.) Isn't that all you need? But if you don't believe me, look who's guest-starring on Moron in the Morning this week: John Stamos, Kathy Griffin, Bai Ling and Jim Parsons, who plays Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory! Truly something for everyone.

Friday, April 17
Hey folks, Prison Break (FOX, 9pm) is back with its final episodes before going out with a bang (and that means forever) on May 15. Best get your Michael and Lincoln fix in before you can't anymore.

What's funnier than an adult entertainment awards show afterparty? Quite possibly a lot of things... but not when that afterparty is catered by Party Down (Starz, 10:30pm)! Watch as our favorite caterers service the Sin-Say-Shun Awards recipients... and I'm pretty sure that's going to turn out to mean "literally."

Saturday, April 18
We know what you're thinking, there's usually nothing good on Saturday nights... well, that was before NBC decided to dethrone Kings (NBC, 8pm), as we pretty much knew they would after getting a glimpse of its much-too-classy-for-primetime-ness a few weeks ago. Ah, well. If you want to stay caught-up with the doings in Gilboa before this show's inevitable cancellation, you'll have to start showing up on Saturday nights. Sorry.

Also, the brand-spankin' new HBO Film Grey Gardens (HBO, 8pm) premieres tonight. Based on the Maysles Brothers' classic documentary about Big and Little Edie Bouvier Beale, a.k.a. Jackie O's insane relatives, the movie will explore the mother-daughter duo's lives prior to shacking up in that crazy cat mansion of theirs. Plus, we'll finally understand the reason for Drew Barrymore's absurd hair at the Oscars. Hopefully.

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