Monday, April 27
Prepare yourself for a surely kick-ass finale of Chuck (NBC, 8pm), complete with Chevy Chase trying to kill Chuck's sister on her wedding day! And head to Subway before you watch, or this may (gulp) end up being the last episode...ever.

Georgina Sparks is back on Gossip Girl (CW, 8pm) this week, but don't let her recent stint in reform school fool you -- she's not done causing trouble. Plus, the Nate/Chuck fight over Blair continues, Serena's boring, blah blah blah.

Also ending this week is Heroes (NBC, 8pm) -- and it's Nathan vs. Sylar in the battle to end all battles. Except for, you know, all the battles they'll have next season.

Tuesday, April 28
Love procedurals involving the military? Love muscular hip-hop stars turned actors? Love Robin from Batman Forever? Then you'll love the possible NCIS (CBS, 8pm) spin-off, which premieres as a backdoor pilot starting this week. Chris O'Donnell and LL Cool J play special agents working at NCIS's Office of Special Projects in Los Angeles, where the regular NCIS team turns after finding the body of a murdered Marine. And it's a two-parter -- after all, Mama said knock you out!

Prefer your procedurals a little more topical? Then tune in to this week's Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC, 10pm) to see Hilary Duff as a harried young mother with a dark secret in a ripoff of the Caylee Anthony case. I mean, ripped off from the headlines. Chung-chung.

Wednesday, April 29
For some reason Rules of Engagement (CBS, 8pm) is airing on an extra night this week, and there may be mild incentive to watch: Tony Hale (Hey brother!) as a mid-divorce friend of Jeff who enjoys doling out inappropriate hugs. I'd take an inappropriate hug from Buster Bluth any day, though perhaps not if he were wearing his hook.

The short first season of Better Off Ted (ABC, 8:30pm) ends tonight, with Ted and Veronica (oh hell, while we're on the subject: she'll always be Lindsay Bluth to me) trying to improve company morale after learning that their employees are miserable. You might be miserable too if you had to eat cowless beef.

It's a veritable week of landmarks as Lost (ABC, 9pm) reaches its 100th episode. Luckily, we're not being forced to sit through another celebratory clip show but being rewarded for our patience by learning everything Daniel Faraday knows about the island! Glorious.

Thursday, April 30
Sorry In the Motherhood and Samantha Who? -- Betty's back! Yes, Ugly Betty (ABC, 8pm) has returned from its confusing hiatus for a veritable race to the finale. This week the Suarezes meets Betty's boyfriend's millionaire father and presumably all hell breaks loose, hopefully involving Justin singing something.

Steve Buscemi is back on 30 Rock (NBC, 9:30pm) as private investigator Len! I just hope his return has nothing to do with Jack trying to track down Salma Hayek because I am so over La Viuda Negra.

Private Practice (ABC, 10pm) finale tonight...wow, has this show really only been on for two seasons? I use it to mark when Grey's turned shitty, which feels like way more than just two years.

Friday, May 1
Hells yes, Wife Swap (ABC, 8pm) finale tonight! And we've got a family who runs what appears to be the most awesome haunted house ever in Iowa versus neurotic competitive swimmers...unless you guys can land-swim away from evil clowns and zombies, I know who's gonna win this fight. Man, what I would have given to be raised in a haunted house when I was a child...

Alan Tudyk as the Dollhouse's agoraphobic designer makes a long-awaited appearance on this week's Dollhouse (FOX, 9pm). And as the last episode before the finale, things are bound to get interesting for our feisty Echo.

I wasn't kidding when I told you there were a lot of milestone episodes this week -- Numb3rs (CBS, 10pm) is airing its 100th episode, in which Charlie tracks a serial killer and we ponder whether we'd rather watch this, Lost's 100th episode, or King of the Hill's 250th episode. Personally I'm going KOTH -- quantity over quality, that's my motto.