Saturday June 6, 2009

A murder case leads Emerson closer to finding out his missing daughter Penny's whereabouts in Pushing Daisies (ABC, 10 PM). The prime suspect? Penny's mother. Meanwhile, Randy Mann (guest star David Arquette) does his best to woo Olive.

Sunday June 7, 2009

What we really don't need is yet another spoiled teen getting everything she wants for her sweet sixteen. Apparently Gene doesn't see it that way. He is trying to turn his daughter Sophie's birthday into the "sweet sixteen of the century" in Gene Simmons Family Jewels (AETV, 9 PM).

In the third season premiere of Army Wives (Lifetime, 10 PM), the army wives offer their support to Claudia Joy and Michael after Emmalin's disappearance. That sure sounds dramatic! Probably even more so if you have any idea who any of these people are.

Monday June 8, 2009

Did Jon cheat? Did he not cheat? Will Jon and Kate's marriage fall apart? Why do we care, again? The Gosselin family dons their painfully transparent happy masks to celebrate the show's 100th episode in Jon & Kate Plus 8 (TLC, 9 PM).

Bribery? Cameo in a Las Vegas stage show? It must be Kathy Griffin embracing her life on the D-list. Tune in to Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List (Bravo, 10 PM), and watch Kathy mingle with A-list idol Bette Midler in the fifth season premiere.

After Nancy drops the huge bombshell with her supposed pregnancy, which concluded fourth season of Weeds (Showtime, 10 PM), this pot-dealing suburban mom finds herself deeper in the drug world in the fifth season premiere. Can't wait to see her completely screw up yet another defenseless child! Nancy Botwin, you are nothing if not consistent.

Tuesday June 9, 2009

The CW has created a new one-hour reality show series called Hitched or Ditched (CW, 9 PM) that focuses on couples in long-term relationships that have yet to tie the knot. The couple is put through a series of tests that will determine whether they'll get hitched ... or ditched. That is some olympic level literal naming right there.

Jana and Jill (which ones are they again?) are about to go under the knife to remove their wisdom teeth in 18 Kids and Counting (TLC, 9 PM). If their parents will be with them, who will looking after all the other kids?

After Paris Hilton's now ex-BFF from the first season turned out to be a disappointment, Paris is on the lookout for a new one in the second season of My New BFF (MTV, 10 PM). Since the only way to score a true BFF is through a series of tests (like stripper pole-testing and egg hunting), let's see who will hold out the longest in tonight's episode.

Wednesday June 10, 2009

After watching one too many crazy dancers hoping to get onto So You Think You Can Dance (Fox, 8 PM and 9 PM), we finally get to see the Top 20 dancers perform for the first time.

Be amazed at the strength of the World's Strongest Toddler (TLC, 8 PM) -- a boy who can lift weights and perform exercises at only three years old. We're going to be so disillusioned when Jose Canseco writes a steroids book about him later.

Because we couldn't get enough of Top Chef, Bravo created a spin-off series: Top Chef Masters (Bravo, 10 PM) where 24 world-renowned chefs get subjected to the same impossible challenges inflicted upon the normal contestants and see how they like it.

Thursday June 11

The last season of The Real Housewives of Orange County is long gone, but if you still need your fill of the drama and catfights, you can tune in to The Real Housewives of Orange County: The Lost Footage (Bravo, 9 PM). Though it'll probably be as largely boring and superfluous as the RHONY one that just aired.

Even though Michael escaped the clutches of Carla's boss, it didn't take him long to find a new enemy. Looks like Season 3 of Burn Notice (USA, 9 PM) promises to be laden with adventure.

After Toby bumps into a young homeless man in tonight's The Listener (NBC, 10 PM), he has visions of a missing girl. Is there more than one person who shares his psychic abilities? Aaand here comes the drama.

Friday June 12

Shari Wilson, a single mom, and Michelle Grimaldo, a victim of the California wildfires, compete to belt out lyrics after the music stops to win $1 million in tonight's Don't Forget the Lyrics! (Fox, 8 PM) in an effort to change their luck. Yes, dance, down-trodden monkeys! Dance for cash!