Sunday, August 2, 2009

If you've lasted this long without looking up the results of the competition, tune in for the season finale of How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria? (BBC America, 8 PM) to find out who won the opportunity to star in the West End production of The Sound of Music.

And here I was thinking that Defying Gravity (ABC, 9 PM) was a competition casting for Wicked! Silly me. Actually, it's a "sexy, provocative space thriller" (ooh!) about 8 astronauts on a 6-year mission, and it premiers tonight.

Remember Megan Hauserman? Wish you could forget Megan Hauserman? Well, you'll have to wait because the reality TV princess has her own show. Megan Wants a Millionaire (VH1, 9 PM) premieres tonight, because for some reason somebody out there thinks we haven't yet gotten the picture that she's a golddigger.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Some of us live every week like it's Shark Week, but this week is actually Shark Week! Obviously it's all shark all the time for the whole week, but tune in tonight for Deadly Waters (Discovery, 9 PM) to watch Lee Stroud on the search for the world's "sharkiest hotspots."

Boy Interrupted (HBO, 9 PM) is a home-video collection made into a documentary about a boy who committed suicide. If you're ready for a good cry, this Sundance-featured film looks incredibly moving.

Can't handle suicide but still looking to be depressed? Jon & Kate Plus 8 (TLC, 9 PM) returns from hiatus tonight.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Tonight on NYC Prep (Bravo, 9 PM), Sebastian basically tells Camille that she's too smart to get a boyfriend, but that's okay because she goes to visit Harvard where she can check out all the intellectual hotties. Jessie obsesses over PC as usual, and we'll probably continue to question his sexuality.

It's catfights galore on My New BFF (MTV, 9 PM) as Tiniecia gets bitchy with Stefanie for talking trash about her own mother. Will Paris choose the hothead or the one who can't keep her mouth shut? Find out on the season finale tonight!

Meet the staff at Changes Plastic Surgery and Spa, where everyone is flamboyantly gay, shallow, bitchy, dramatic, or all of the above. Unless the cast has shot you up with Botox, the antics on Addicted to Beauty (Oxygen, 11 PM) definitely won't leave you expressionless.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

If Cribs was hosted by Joan Rivers and followed people who invented weird stuff instead of celebrities, well, it'd be How'd You Get So Rich? (TV Land, 10 PM). Check out the series premiere of this rags-to-riches show that proves that you don't have to be famous to live fabulously.

Who better to judge a battle of the burgers than Zooey Deschanel? What's that you say? Morgan Spurlock? Oh, well then it's a good thing he'll be there, too. Watch it go down tonight on Top Chef Masters (Bravo, 10 PM).

Thursday, August 6, 2009

We know that judges' choice Janette isn't America's favorite dancer, but tune in to the season finale of So You Think You Can Dance (Fox, 8 PM) to find out who is. There's sure to be a whole mess of tears -- both happy and sad. And you can probably expect some dancing, too.

On Burn Notice (USA, 9 PM), a man from Fiona's past returns. And he's got a gun. How far will Michael go to save her? Find out tonight on the summer finale!

Remember that time we mentioned that Chris Kattan was actually going to do something with himself? Well, the time has come! Starring tonight, Kattan plays a rejected Hollywood star (read: himself) who jets off to India in search of success in Bollywood Hero (IFC, 10 PM).

The season premiere of Skins (BBC America, 9 PM) is tonight, and it sounds a lot like Gossip Girl, but British. Need any more reasons to watch? I didn't think so.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Monk (USA, 9 PM) is back tonight for its eighth season, and now there's finally something decent to watch on Friday nights.

If you were offended by that statement because you've been watching The Goode Family (ABC, 9:30 PM) all summer, then you'll probably want to check out the season finale tonight. Gerald thinks Trish and Mo want him to donate his little swimmies and Charlie decides to teach Ubuntu how to be a man...whatever that means.

Psych (USA, 10 PM) is back, and Cary Elwes (The Princess Bride) guest stars as Shawn and Gus go after an elusive international art thief. Cue goofy detective music.

The ladies of the Real Housewives of Atlanta are back for round two-- claws, diva attitudes, and general shallowness included. In fact, the second season of RHOA might even be worse than the first, and by "worse," I mean, oh so much better! This drama-filled season is bound to be so catty that it'll make NeNe's comment to ex-BFF Kim, "Close your legs to married men," seem like child's play.

The Top Chef Masters champion rounds begin tonight, which means we'll actually get to know these chefs a little bit. These are chefs we've already met, and now we have four weeks to observe them and pick apart all their random attributes that we perceive as personality flaws. It's just like regular Top Chef! But so much fancier!

While walking to work this morning, I passed the Fox building, where guys holding balloons were handing out Ring Pops in order to promote More to Love. I've seen them give out roses or fake rings for dating shows before, but giving out Ring Pops (you know, the delicious little lollipops you can wear on your finger) seems kind of gross. Like way to promote a show about overweight people by adding to the obesity problem in America.

It's time for Jillian to choose between the oh-so-perfect but ridiculously named Kiptyn and Ed, the tool that left and came back because his girlfriend (allegedly) dumped his ass. Though choices here, and given that Jillian is pretty much the most oblivious person on the planet (just look at how long she kept Wes around), we're guessing that she'll go with Ed. Hope she enjoys shelling out a lot of extra cash for Viagra!

I haven't written much about this show since it started, but that's mostly because the guys were sort of lame. Still, though, I kept watching. The show has weirdly had a lot of similarities to this season of The Bachelorette. Daisy got burned by Bret Michaels in the finals when he chose someone else after she clearly put out. There was a guy, Fox, who came to the show with a girlfriend, and only to try to get famous, and he bragged to the other guys about his gal pal, but lied to Daisy when confronted. Daisy was blinded by the songs "written" for her. There was another guy, London, who left the show for a lame reason and then basically begged to come back and has made it to the finale while other potential suitors have fallen by the wayside. The finale is in Hawaii. So many things, but you know, Daisy has more fistfights, making out and disgusting behavior, and so far, Jillian hasn't told any of the guys to get tattoos to impress her.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

With great power comes great responsibility...or that's what we'd like to think. Instead, we have death, some foul play, corruption and greed. Find out who the new king will be in the series finale of Kings (NBC, 8 PM), because just as Jack gets ready to take over the family business, we learn that King Silas is, in fact, alive.

It's not nearly enough that we have Twilight, True Blood and Supernatural. To indulge in everyone's obsession with the supernatural, Being Human (BBCA, 9 PM) explores the lives of three 20-somethings who double as a werewolf, a vampire and a ghost. Tune in to the series premiere and watch these non-human beings try to be human.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Much to everyone's dismay, poor Daisy was rejected by rock star Bret Michaels on national TV. But not all hope is lost because in tonight's season finale of Daisy of Love (VH1, 9 PM), she will choose one lucky man who charmed his way into her heart (suck it, Bret).

The original mini series Storm (NBC, 9 PM) is about a tycoon who experiments with a weather-altering technology and, basically, is solely responsible for destroying the planet and possibly all of humanity. Tough break.

Sookie goes undercover and infiltrates that crazy religious anti-vampire cult in order to locate Godric, but that's not all she has to deal with -- Bill's maker comes back. Some catfights are in order, but since this is True Blood (Showtime, 9 PM), it'd be more like catfights combined with blood and fangs, and Sookie will probably almost die again.

Monday, July 27, 2009

It's almost the end and there's only one rose left. Things get heated when The Bachelorette (ABC, 8 PM) invites the final two bachelors to meet her family in Hawaii. Something happens and it will alter Jillian's decision entirely.

Fourteen contestants (from other VH1 shows) enrolled in Charm School (VH1, 9 PM) to better themselves. It's the female version of Tool Academy. So which girl will hold the title of "Charm School Queen"? Catch the third season finale, and may the best actress win.

Rap superstar Sean "Diddy" Combs is going on tour, so of course that entitles him to have a new reality show, Making His Band (MTV, 10 PM), where 42 musicians compete for a spot in his new band. It's kind of reminiscent of Making the Band except that now, it's all about Diddy, and I wouldn't expect anything less.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Did you know that Superstars (ABC, 8 PM) has been around in one form or another since 1973? The lucky celebrity-athlete pair who wins in tonight's finale will have the honor to continue this long history of superstardom -- if they survive the kayak challenge, tug-of-war and the triathlon, that is.

It seems as if America is slow to catch on to something that's clearly good. Different versions of Dragons' Den (BBCA, 9 PM) are already available in 15 other countries. The show focuses on entrepreneurs who pitch ideas to business experts in hopes of financing their business ventures.

Combining the Biggest Loser element to any reality show seems to be the trend these days. More to Love (FOX, 9 PM) is a dating reality show that is formatted the same as The Bachelor, but with "average-looking" contestants. Watch the series premiere and maybe it'll be as addictive, if not more, than the original.

What's worse than The Secret Life of the American Teenager is a grown-up reality version of it. In tonight's episode of Miami Social (Bravo, 10 PM), there will be all sorts of teenager-like drama, including secrets, pregnancy, and fights.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Sit comfortably on your couch while the characters in Dark Blue (TNT, 10 PM) can't seem to separate their personal life from their work, can't tell who's undercover, and have to deal with officers drunk with power... and corruption. Dark blue indeed.

The Holiday takes on a reality show form when two different, successful women trade lives for a week (including the boys next door) and go on a Holidate (Soapnet, 10 PM). If only it was so easy to just travel across the country and stumble upon a random date.

Teddy aka The Philanthropist (NBC, 10 PM) pulls off his Batman-like persona -- again -- and finds himself in mortal danger in the Kashmir region when helping Rhada with the water system. How will he manage to get out of this mess?

It's down to six. Who will be the master of all the Top Chef Masters (Bravo, 10 PM)? As they prepare for their signature dishes, a surprise awaits them...

Thursday, July 30, 2009

It's been a while since Michael received his Burn Notice (USA, 9 PM) that one fateful day, and tonight he further tries to reconnect with the intelligence community. Of course, Fiona continues to disagree with this decision. Ah, lover's quarrel.

In the live episode of So You Think You Can Dance (Fox, 9 PM), two of the six contestants get voted off. It's getting scarily competitive. Hopefully Mary Murphy's hot tamale train and obnoxious laughter will lighten the mood.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta (Bravo, 10 PM) are back for the second season! The premiere promises a drama-filled season, beginning with an "Independence Day" party in honor of Sheree's divorce. Lisa and her hubby talk of having another baby, and Kim wants to sell hair.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Long-time rivals from Area 51 pay Eureka (Syfy, 9 PM) a visit for a bowling tournament. Nothing settles conflict like a good game of heavyweight balls and pins. But Carter has his mind on things other than bowling, like solving a series of pranks.

And finally, round out your week with comedian-slash-political-satirist Bill Maher on his very own weekly talk show Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO, 10 PM). It's good to be in the know when it comes to current events, but Republicans might want to steer clear.

If you didn't watch last week's premiere of Michael & Michael Have Issues, you're not alone. Apparently I was the only one on the planet who watched it, besides Michael and Michael themselves and probably their moms. But the thing is, the show's really funny! And I'd miss it if it got canceled, so just give it a chance. Please?

To be completely honest, I think I'd be a hell of a lot more excited for Ruby & The Rockits if I were either 10 years younger or 30 years older. Alas, I have been burdened with a painful addiction to ABC Family, so there is a distinct possibility that I will tune in for tonight's series premiere.

"They are coming." You'll be hearing those words a lot over the next week. I don't know about you all, but the season two finale of Torchwood left me in a big puddle of tears... and I am not even the weepy type. But tonight, things are back to normal, or at least as normal as they can be with two less staffers around. I've seen most of the five-hour third season already -- don't worry, there's no spoilers here -- and I am so excited to see how the rest unfolds.