Saturday, August 22, 2009

I wouldn't exactly call the college admissions process funny so much as completely torturous, but Acceptance (Lifetime, 9 PM) attempts to explore the comedic side of this rite of passage. Even though it stars comedy vets Joan Cusack and Mae Whitman (Arrested Development), this Lifetime movie will likely have plenty of drama, as usual.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

On the season finale of Merlin (NBC, 8 PM), Tom faces trial for treason after agreeing to help Tauren turn lead into gold. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Midas complex.

Ahh yes, it's that time of year again. The 2009 Miss Universe Pageant (NBC, 9 PM) has arrived, and we might tune in for a bit because Flo Rida and Heidi Montag are performing! Not together. But that would be even funnier than that T-Pain and Taylor Swift bit at the CMT awards.

If you missed the Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami (E!, 10 PM) premiere last week, now's the time to play catch-up. This week, Khloe is a coke whore, and Kourtney is a lesbian whore! Except Khloe claims she's not a coke whore, and I don't think Kourtney is actually a lesbian. She could still be a whore though.

On tonight's episode of Mad Men (AMC, 10 PM), Roger makes plans for a wedding. Don't forget to make time between the first dance and cutting the cake to have sex with someone else in the bathroom! Betty's father visits, and hopefully he won't hit on her again because that was just creepy, even if he did have a stroke.

Monday, August 24, 2009

The Great American Road Trip (NBC, 8 PM) hits the brakes tonight as the last two families travel down Route 66 toward coastal California. Tune in to see if the DiSalvatore mobsters from Yonkers take out the Coote family in tonight's finale. I just hope nobody gets a speeding ticket.

The summer season of The Closer (TNT, 9 PM) comes to a close tonight, and I'm still on a roll with those finale puns. Oh, and Brenda collaborates with her Texan counterpart to track down a traveling serial killer.

Dating in the Dark (ABC, 9 PM) is over tonight, so we can all go back to being shallow again.

A full-day marathon leads up to the Make It or Break It (ABC Family, 9 PM) season finale, and it's time for Nationals! Since all the drama was exhausted in last week's episode (seriously, shit got REAL), tonight will be all about the sport -- that is, unless Payson overdoses on cortisone or Lauren starts to suck at gymnastics as much as she sucks at life.

The Rachel Zoe Project (Bravo, 10 PM) is back tonight for season two and it's time for the Golden Globes! Anne, Cameron, and Eva (we're on a first-name basis, of course!) all need fabulous dresses, but with this economy, there's a distinct lack of couture available. What's a celeb stylist to do?

Nurse Jackie's (Showtime, 10:30 PM) antics have kept us amused during this lackluster summer, so we'll be sad to say goodbye. The season comes to a close tonight with a midnight rendezvous, surprise bling, and a drunken escapade. Can't wait!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

House of Jazmin (MTV, 10:30 PM) is a new show about a young fashion designer who put out her first line when she was a senior in high school in the 'burbs. Her little Sicilian grandmother is absolutely adorable -- oh, and the clothes aren't half bad, either.

If you agree that Shaq was forged by Greek gods, you might want to check out tonight's episode of Shaq Vs. (ABC, 9 PM), during which he'll team up with Todd Rogers in a beach volleyball challenge against gold medal Olympians Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh. Plus: Serena Williams will teach him about "the psyche of female athletes," whatever that means.

The Hell's Kitchen (Fox, 8 PM) chefs select the ingredients for their next dish by rolling the dice on a craps table, and one team's risky ingredient brings them the win. I wonder what it could be!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Pairs of best friends, siblings, roommates and a married couple take to the racetrack on the series premiere of Crash Course (ABC, 9 PM), a Real World/Road Rules-like challenge, minus the drunken hookups and plus the backseat driving. And the best part is, you only have to tolerate each set of contestants for one episode!

You should watch the season finale of Michael & Michael Have Issues (Comedy Central, 10:30 PM), because a) I hear it's funny, and b) tweeting at M&M might be your one opportunity for 15 minutes of fame.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

The bold and the idiots come out to play tonight with the season premieres of Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory (MTV, 9 PM), Bully Beatdown (MTV, 9:30 PM) and Nitro Circus (MTV, 10 PM). Tune in if you're into skateboards, ass-kicking and motocross, respectively. While you're at it, keep watching for the series premiere of Pranked (MTV, 10:30 PM). It's a new show about pranks, in case you couldn't figure that one out yourself.

On the season finale of Royal Pains (USA, 10 PM), the future of HankMed is threatened by Divya's arranged marriage and Evan's poor, perhaps scandalous performance as CFO. Watch and see if everything works itself out as usual or we're left with an end-of-season cliffhanger.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Tonight's episode of Psych (USA, 10 PM) is called Bollywood Homicide. Director Jay Chandrasekhar and cousin Sendhil Ramamurthy (Heroes) guest star, because, you know, they're Indian. What more do you need to know?