Is a made-for-TV Children of the Corn remake something to be considered necessary? Nope! But guess who has two thumbs and doesn't care? This guy! Because David Anders and Dualla from Battlestar are starring in it, and that's literally all I've ever needed to know about the thing to be giddily psyched for it. I'm not saying I'm going to stay in on a Saturday night to watch a crappy bastardization of a Stephen King story on Syfy. That would be crazy. What I am saying is that I'm going to set my DVR and watch the hell out of it early Sunday morning before anyone wakes up to catch me doing so, and then I'm going to deny it if anyone asks. What can I say? It's a Sark thing. I can't explain it.

Children of the Corn airs tonight on SyFy at 9/8C. I promise not to tell anybody you watched it.