Saturday, September 19, 2009

Do you like paintings of flowers that are meant to represent vaginas? Then Georgia O'Keefe (Lifetime, 9 PM) may be a good choice for you. The biopic stars Joan Allen and Jeremy Irons as the iconic artist and her husband, Alfred Stieglitz. The cast alone proves once again that Lifetime is a force to be reckoned with.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

It's time to give out some more gold-plated statuettes: The Primetime Emmy Awards (CBS, 8 PM) will be hosted by Neil Patrick Harris. Hopefully Harris will put some life into this year's attempt at award show patter. (2nd option: Maybe Harris will put some life back into this flailing award show and snort some coke off of a stripper's ass.) 30 Rock leads with 22 nominations, while True Blood is nominated for its opening title sequence. Titles! They are good titles, but come on.

Perennially miffed Larry David returns to a 7th season of Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO, 9:00 PM) with a Seinfeld reunion up his sleeve.

Jason Schwartzman comes to cable TV in Bored to Death (HBO, 9:30 PM), playing a pot-smoking writer who moonlights as an amateur detective. The perfectly awkward Zach Galifianakis and the always-awesome Ted Danson provide backup.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Break out your Capezio's and sequins -- Dancing with the Stars (ABC, 8:00 PM) returns tonight. If you consider Aaron Carter, Melissa Joan Hart and Tom DeLay to be stars, then you're permitted to do a happy-dance. I didn't mean literally. Okay, stop.

Will it ever end? Heroes (NBC, 8:00 PM) comes crawling back for a fourth season.

The beloved Barney Stinson and company return on the reliable How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8:00 PM) for a 7th season.

House (FOX, 8:00 PM) will be heading up a psych ward this season. Crazy always makes for great TV.

It's common knowledge that if you're a woman without a baby by your mid-30s, you fail at life. Jenna Elfman carries a dimly-lit torch for baby-crazed older women everywhere and plays a film critic who gets pregnant by a much younger man (cougar alert!) in Accidentally on Purpose (CBS, 8:00 PM).

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

We're already rooting for Abby on The Biggest Loser (NBC, 8:00 PM). I'm hoping Jillian will go ahead and skip to the part where she has her team bench press her.

Great. Dancing with the Stars (ABC, 8:00 PM) is on two days in a row.

Chris O'Donnell finally emerges from whatever cave he's been hiding in since he donned a cape alongside Batman to star in a spinoff: NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS, 9:00 PM) premieres tonight. LL Cool J also stars and will lick his lips in between lines.

Julianna Margulies is finally poised for a post-ER comeback. Margulies kicks ass and takes names as the wife of a two-timing politician (Chris Noth) in The Good Wife (CBS, 10:00 PM).

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Mercy (NBC, 8:00) promises to be horrible. May JC have mercy on your soul if you watch this.

Modern Family (ABC, (9:00 PM) could be a success if people ever learn to love their family sitcoms without a laugh track. I'm talking to you, people who love Raymond.

Courtney Cox returns to TV in Cougar Town (ABC, 9:30 PM), which should redeem her for Dirt. Although the title is horrendous, Cox is back in good comedic form.

A special 200th episode of MTV's documentary series, The True Adventures of True Life (MTV, 10:00 PM) airs tonight. I could star in my own episode: "True Life: I'm addicted to watching True Life." No, seriously.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

In spite of it there not being a presidential election this year, SNL Weekend Update Thursday in Primetime (NBC, 8:00 PM) will air tonight.

FlashForward (ABC, 8:00 PM) is meant to be the next big thing in the "What the hell just happened?" genre. It even has Dominic Monaghan, freshly killed off from fellow mindbender Lost.

The preview for the season premiere of CSI (CBS, 9:00 PM) looks eerily similar to another Laurence Fishburne project. Men in black suits and sunglasses, bullets paused in mid-air... I can't really place it. Oh well -- I'm happy as long as they show dead bodies!

I don't subscribe to the Katherine Heigl hate club, but if you care about Lexie and "Sex Tape" McSteamy, Grey's Anatomy (ABC, 9:00 PM) is returning tonight.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Jennifer Love Hewitt and her bountiful bouncing bosom return for a 5th season of Ghost Whisperer (CBS, 8:00 PM). Who cares? Oh yeah, she has big boobs.

The latest Joss Whedon brainchild, Dollhouse (FOX, 9:00 PM), returns for its second season. We're hoping this one will stick around.

Medium (CBS, 9:00 PM) makes the move from NBC to CBS, giving the network a solid two hours of ghost shows. They have the goth teenage girl demographic cornered.

Even though I've only watched Numb3rs (CBS, 10:00 PM) once, I'm just glad knowing that David Krumholtz is getting steady work.