October 17, 2009
It's bad enough that we watch reality TV to begin with, but it gets worse when we give out arbitrary awards to the shows that inhibit our already lacking social lives -- the 2009 Fox Reality Channel Really Awards (FRC, 10 PM) air tonight.

This week's Celebrity Ghost Stories (BIO, 10 PM) features John Waters, Carrie Fisher, and Rue McClanahan. I don't think any ghost story can trump the magical weirdness that already is John Waters. But I'll give Rue McClanahan a chance to scare me.

Gerard Butler hosts Saturday Night Live (NBC, 11:30 PM) with musical guest Shakira. Shake well.

October 18, 2009
One of the design themes that will appear on HGTV Special: Halloween Block Party (HGTV, 8 PM) is "Hansel and Gretel." Unfortunately, the breadcrumb floor is deemed a building code violation.

Kang and Kodos return in the twentieth Treehouse of Horror episode of The Simpsons (FOX, 8 PM).

Jeremy London plays a werewolf fighting a Nazi vampire cult in the TV movie Wolvesbayne (SyFy, 9 PM). Okay... I guess it's a metaphor.

There are only four episodes left of Mad Men (AMC, 10 PM) this season. Sad! Tonight, Sterling Cooper marks its fortieth year in business.

October 19, 2009
Intervention In-depth: Pot City USA (A&E, 9 PM) explores issues surrounding pot growing in Humboldt, California. Are there issues with growing pot in California?

HBO Special: Schmatta: Rags to Riches to Rags (HBO, 9 PM) explores the history of New York's garment district. One segment will explore why "cupping" is necessary to make men's pants.

Monty Python: Almost the Truth (IFC, 9 PM) kicks off a six-night special on Monty Python's Flying Circus. Be on the lookout for dead parrots.

October 20, 2009
It's Halloween in Beverly Hills! That means fishnet tights and gratuitous cleavage! Annie is put under pressure to steal a car during a student film shoot and Dixon finds out something "life-changing" from Sasha. Could a baby be headed to 90210 (The CW, 8 PM)... again?

If I had the choice of meeting anyone on earth right now, it would be Jeff Lewis. (At a distant second is Leonardo DiCaprio.) Why Jeff Lewis? Because he'll bring me one step closer to being BFF with Zoila. Flipping Out (Bravo, 10 PM) ends a third season.

This week's Sons of Anarchy (FX, 10 PM) features prison fighting. (Insert prison shower joke here.)

October 21, 2009
The title of this week's episode of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant (TLC, 8 PM) is "Is that a baby in your pants?" No, it's not. I'm just bloated.

Will composes a mash-up for a special occasion on Glee (FOX, 9 PM). More importantly, when will Terri give up her charade?

The traditional "Restaurant Wars" episode of Top Chef (Bravo, 10 PM) is tonight. Kevin should just win already and open an all-bacon restaurant.

If you haven't had the pleasure of cringing during Toddlers & Tiaras (TLC, 10 PM), you should catch this Arizona-themed episode. No show better captures how crazy some people (e.g. pageant parents) really are.

October 22, 2009
I want to live in a world in which puppets live alongside humans in harmony. The Jeff Dunham Show (Comedy Central, 9 PM) demonstrates why this day may never come. The comic and his menagerie of foam people make their debut tonight.

Jam returns from their honeymoon to The Office (NBC, 9 PM) and Michael reveals the identity of the new lady he's been dating. That's not going to go over well.

Devin Banks (Will Arnett) returns to 30 Rock (NBC, 9:30 PM) to exact revenge on Jack. Also, Kenneth volunteers at an animal shelter and probably says something crazy about raccoons or muskrats in Georgia.

Ultimate Parkour Challenge (MTV, 10 PM) is another excuse for people to find ways to visit the emergency room. If you're unsure of what Parkour is, it's basically running and jumping over, around, and through things like Jason Bourne would... except you're not Jason Bourne and most likely a bored teenage boy.

October 23, 2009
Supernanny (ABC, 8 PM), television's best form of birth control returns for a sixth season.

Medium (CBS, 9 PM) airs its 100th episode tonight. Allison investigates an infant's kidnapping.

My Super Psycho Sweet 16 (MTV, 10 PM) is the latest TV movie installment in the teen birthday madness that the network seems to love. Coming up next: My Super Lame Sweet 16 At the Skating Rink Sucks Because My Parents Could Only Afford A Kia Rio.

White Collar (USA, 10 PM) presents an updated look at indentured servitude. Neal (a charming con artist), is offered eventual freedom from prison by an FBI agent in exchange for his criminal expertise. Also starring Tiffani "Kelly Kapowski" Thiessen.