It's guest-star-a-palooza night on White Collar! Not only does Natalie Morales (The Middleman) return, but we also get Callie Thorne (Rescue Me) as an art historian and Kirk Acevedo (Fringe) as an FBI agent when Peter and Neal are asked by a Mafia Don to help track down a missing Bible with legendary healing powers. And did we mention that the Don is played by John Ventimiglia from The Sopranos? Between all of these people and the awesome regular cast, this show is totally spoiling us.

White Collar airs tonight at 10/9C on USA. For more options, check out our Week in Preview!

The first ladies of Coto are back tonight, and here's what's changed: they're all broke now. I've long suspected that they were all credit card millionaires anyway, but now they claim don't even have much of that to play with anymore. I don't really buy it, but you know how This Economy! is. Jeana can't even have $400 lunches that often anymore! Seriously, that is what they're whining about in this episode. Also, Gretchen is dating the dirtball to end all dirtballs, Slade, which just makes me do a Linda Blair pea soup 360 every time I think about it, so let's just leave that in the gutter, where it likes to be anyway.

It's time for America's Next Top Swimsuit Model! Now that they're down to five contestants, Tyra is putting the girls in bikinis and bringing in Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover model Marisa Miller (O hai!) to give them sexpot lessons. Having seen the come-hither looks in some of her photos, I'm guessing Southern belle Laura doesn't need any lessons in that arena, which means Nicole, Erin, Jennifer and Sundai are gonna have to work it.

The lizard people are here! And it's... kind of exciting, I guess! Truth be told, it took me days to get through the pilot because I kept getting bored, but by the end I suppose I was glad I soldiered through it. I'm certainly glad Elizabeth Mitchell and Scott Wolf have jobs, so that's something. In any case, if you've seen the original and are looking for a respectful adaptation, this is actually a pretty good one. They took some liberties, but I think a couple of them were smart.

Poor little Leonard. Tonight, he realizes that Penny has been hiding her college football parties from him, so he enlists Sheldon's help to understand the game. Yes, Sheldon, of all people, to help him understand football. So that ought to be hilarious. Also, something called kite fighting goes on, and Raj and Wolowitz get in a real fight during it and stop being friends for a few minutes! I'm sad about that already -- emotionally wounded Wolowitz makes my heart cry worse than Sheldon needing "Soft Kitty" when he's sick.

Anyway, this show is great and you should watch it! But if you insist on defying me, our Week in Preview knows of other programs for you to watch tonight.

I guess since The Rachel Zoe Project is off the air and I somehow feel compelled to watch almost every competition reality show that is on, I will be giving the latest MTV offering a try. Basically, it's like Stylista (as a basis of comparison for the five people who watched that show), except that instead of competing for a job working on a magazine, you are working as a stylist doing shoots for magazines and the like.