Okay, I'll admit I often talk about how crappy Family Guy is, and we can all agree that everyone hates Seth MacFarlane. Still, I find myself watching old episodes all the time, and maybe even a new one every few months. There hasn't been a single Family Guy that didn't make me laugh at least once, which says something about the show's writers. Between classics like "Peter, Peter, Caviar Eater" (Season Two, Episode One),"The Kiss Seen Around the World" (Season Three, Episode Eight), and newer episodes like "Road to the Multiverse" (Season Eight, Episode One), it's clear that they are a talented group of people.

January 30, 2010

Are made-for-SYFY movies as ridiculous as made-for-Lifetime movies? I sure hope so, because I'm going to watch (or at least DVR) the premiere of Meteor Storm (SYFY, 9 PM), starring Michael Trucco (Battlestar Galactica) and Kari Matchett (24).

There's bad reality shows and then there's ghastly reality shows; Fox Reality Channel has a monopoly on the latter. Watch the season premiere of Solitary (FRC, 10 PM) or even so much as read its Wikipedia page if you don't believe me.

Tonight Jon Hamm, an actor who I openly love, hosts Saturday Night Live (NBC, 11:29 PM) with musical guest Michael Buble, a singer who has one song that I secretly love. Seriously though, I'm looking forward to a potential Mad Men sketch, hopefully sans Gilly.

January 31, 2010

We'll be watching the 52nd Annual Grammy Awards (CBS, 8 PM) tonight! Taylor Swift and Beyonce are competing for a bunch of awards... uh-oh! Am I the only one still not over Kanye jokes? Probably. Check back Monday to see what everyone wore.

Another Sunday night option (and a solid thing to flip to during commercials) is Saturday Night Live: Sports All-Stars (NBC, 9 PM). Check out the Jason Sudeikis/Will Forte interview. My personal favorite sports sketch in recent years is "Musical Masseur" with Derek Jeter and Chris Kattan.

The second season finale of Tough Love is tonight (VH1, 9 PM), but I'm such a Patti Stanger fan that I don't bother watching other matchmakers.

February 1, 2010

Grab your tissues as one of the sweetest Survivor winners ever, Ethan Zohn, opens up about his battle with cancer on The Doctors (CBS, 8 PM).

Work it, girl!: Tonight is the season two premiere of RuPaul's Drag Race (Logo, 9 PM). Do kids today know about RuPaul? I see posters for Drag Race all over the subway and I can't help but imagine hundreds of unknowing preteen boys talking about how hot she is.

Essentially a spin-off of The Hills, Kelly Cutrone's solo show, Kell on Earth (Bravo, 10 PM), debuts tonight. The series revolves around her life as a fashion/PR guru, thereby keeping to Bravo's signature formula of real-life versions of beloved fictional characters (Samantha Jones, anyone?).

I think I'm finally curious enough about Men of a Certain Age (TNT, 10 PM) to actually start watching. The show just got renewed for a second season, and this episode seems like a fine place to start: Joe's bookie finds out Joe used to be a professional golfer and decides to use him to hustle a couple of guys. Owen's family becomes concerned over his increasing weight. And Terry gets a new apartment, but the apartment manager job that comes with it is a bit much to handle.

February 2, 2010

We did it! It's finally here! Lost (ABC, 8 PM) returns for a three-hour special event tonight, as if you didn't already know. The first hour is the obligatory catch-up episode, followed by the two-hour season premiere! The Internet just may explode!

I don't know what goes on in the mind of a person who doesn't watch Lost, so I have to assume they must like the Duggars. Lucky for them, the fourth season premiere of 19 Kids & Counting (TLC, 9 PM) is on tonight.

My DVR will keep the Teen Mom: Finale Special (MTV, 10 PM) warm for me until later in the evening. Unfortunately, Dr. Drew is the host of this special where we get to see how the girls are doing. In case you couldn't tell by our Worst Human Beings on Reality Shows gallery, we hate Dr. Drew here at TWoP. I love Teen Mom too much to let his presence keep me from watching.

February 3, 2010

Go ahead and watch American Idol (FOX, 9 PM) tonight for the last stretch of auditions this season. Truth be told, I'm looking forward to reading Jacob's write-up of it way more than watching the actual episode.

While the love of our lives Adam Richman is broadcasting Man v. Food: LIVE (Travel, 9 PM) Wednesday night, it is supposed to be raining and snowing here in New York City. Life is in no way fair.

Part two of the Launch My Line (Bravo, 9 PM) finale better have a lot of drama, otherwise the teams will have totally wasted the past 54 hours of their lives on making me bored.

Following that finale comes a debut! Shear Genius (Bravo, 10 PM) returns for its season three premiere. I can't wait to see the crazy challenges they have to do this season. I still think my favorite is the one where Daisy had to use a box cutter instead of shears.

February 4, 2010

On tonight's winter finale of Bones (FOX, 8 PM), Brennan and Booth go to a sanitarium (hopefully to the tune of that crazy Metallica song!) and meet characters who are both good and bad... much like this show, lately.

While the Fringe (FOX, 9 PM) winter finale sounds a bit like the premise of Unbreakable (the team investigates the sole survivor of a tragedy at a Manhattan office building), I'm sure it'll pick up when Walter and the gang race to Jacksonville to help Olivia reconnect with her past in order to avert what they fear will happen next.

Why so serious, FOX? Cool down with two no-doubt hilarious season premieres tonight: Important Things with Demetri Martin (Comedy Central, 10 PM) and The Sarah Silverman Program (Comedy Central, 10:30 PM). Glad to have these shows back in my Thursday night rotation.

February 5, 2010

Tonight is a two-hour Smallville (The CW, 8 PM) event! Pam Grier guests stars, but notsomuch as a foxy mama.

All of the shows I watch on Friday nights seem turn into drinking games, Supernanny (ABC, 8 PM) being no exception. Drink whenever a child curses. Drink whenever they tell the nanny they hate her. Drink whenever you fear this will be your life one day. Try it out!

I love Kitchen Nightmares with maybe only a small hint of irony. I'm not sure which version is better: BBC America or Fox. There's less censorship in the BBC America version, but the Fox version has totally over-produced editing. What a toss up!

I'm not going to lie, when I saw the pilot for Vampire Diaries I was about ready to write the show off as a mindless and unoriginal teen drama (a la 90210) with vampires. Why would I need a show like this when I have True Blood and Buffy/Angel DVDs to keep me occupied? I really didn't need another stupid, angst-filled show about a dumb girl who falls for a vampire. I already have enough of that in my life. But I still kept watching, out of some sense of obligation and because it's what I get paid to do. Suddenly, the stupid Degrassi girl who couldn't act got brave and stood up to the vampire brothers (though her acting range is still not exactly expansive), the brooding Stefan got more three-dimensional, and the dreamy Damon got funny and deliciously wicked. Now it is easily my favorite new drama of the season (Modern Family snags my favorite new show title) and I can't wait for new episodes. And to the CW genius who paired this show with Supernatural and its sexy Winchester brothers... I would like to extend a personal thank you.

In 2002, wrestling fans were witness to the rise of superstar John Cena, who flew to the top of the fan-favorite heap with his cocky rapper persona and became one of the biggest names in the WWE. He eventually ditched the rapping gimmick, and it was the WWE's film division that produced his first film, The Marine, about, well, a Marine who had to track down the criminals who had kidnapped his girlfriend. The role fit his clean-cut appearance and muscle-bound physique and was a success on DVD, which is probably why he'll be playing a military man again in tonight's episode of Psych. (Also, because WWE Raw airs on the same network. Synergy!)

I rarely think of shows on MTV as important. As much as I loved Fat Camp and Jersey Shore, they are more of inside looks into different cultures than open discussions about societal problems. Teen Mom, on the other hand, allows people (especially MTV's demographic of young teens to young adults) to see the gravity of teen motherhood. We watch the four girls on this show face many serious hardships: dropping out of school, maintaining healthy relationships with loved ones, getting jobs, putting their children into daycare, moving out, and managing finances. These girls often feel like failures, as though they are succumbing to standards lower than their children deserve.

Because I was one of the many who didn't think Damages' second season was anywhere near the quality of its first, I am very happy to say that the first two episodes of the new season are fantastic. Like its first season, it manages to make a ripped-from-the-headlines plot work in its own storyworld (like Season 1's Enron inspiration, this time around Patty's going after a Bernie Madoff-type, and it ain't thinly veiled, or veiled at all, really), which also allows for Ellen to be dealing with Patty in a way that makes sense. Ellen's got a job with the D.A. now, and is working the criminal side of the case, while Patty is, of course, seeking damages for Schmadoff's victims (one of whom is that poor bastard Tom Shayes, because the world just hates that guy for some reason). Bitchy tension is had by all, and it's just delicious.

January 23, 2010

Tonight is the 16th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards (TNT and TBS, 8 PM). While some people call them the SAG Awards, I don't call them anything, because who cares about them at all? That being said, I'll be so excited if Modern Family wins Best Comedy.

I was living in Boston when those teenage girls all got pregnant at Gloucester High, which is why I'll be watching The Pregnancy Pact (LIFETIME, 9 PM). It's totally not because I'm a fan of Camryn Manheim or genuinely enjoyed other dramatic Lifetime movies, such as the 2004 classic She's Too Young. No sir, not me!

January 24, 2010

Sports really hog the airwaves all day today! Since the Patriots are out of the running, I feel secure in my decision to watch Food Network Challenge: Beauty Pageant Cakes (Food Network, 8 PM). The cake designers have to make a cake to commemorate some beauty pageant, but the catch is that real-life stage moms will be their assistants! $10 says one of the moms suggests spray tanning their cake and ruining its chances at a normal adult life.

Man, you guys on the TWoP forums are the best! I was so excited to see that over 24,000 of you have read the thread about Frank the Entertainer in a Basement Affair (VH1, 8 PM). This week keeps the trashy bar high when Frank challenges the women to a "wet-and-wild" bikini softball game.

For the people out there who like slightly heartbreaking medical mystery shows (i.e., things my brothers' girlfriends love), tonight is the special presentation of The Tiniest Girl in the World (TLC, 9 PM).

January 25, 2010

After a pretty great season finale, Damages (FX, 10 PM) returns for its third season premiere this evening.

It's a good thing I have a DVR, because between a two-night, four-hour season premiere and time slot changes, I would be totally lost about when 24 (FOX, 9 PM) came on. I guess I could technically watch the episodes online, but it's not the same when I have to sit through ten seconds of commercials, you know?

Greek (ABC FAMILY, 10 PM) returns tonight for its Season Three winter premiere. I'd tell you the premise of this episode, but just imagine every other plotline about college students ever and it'll come to you.

Tonight is the two-episode series premiere of The Inbetweeners (BBC America, 9 PM). For a show about four British high-school losers, the show sure has a pretty cool name. Shouldn't it be about alien invaders from another dimension or something?

January 26, 2010

Can you believe this is our last Tuesday before Lost returns? It feels like it was just yesterday that Juliet desperately grabbed hold of the Jughead and maybe set it off. If you want to get yourself psyched for some crazy stuff, why not watch Psychic Kids: Children of the Paranormal (A&E, 9 PM)? This episode is about two girls whose nightmares come true, which for me would be Kate and Sawyer ending up together.

Tonight's the season finale of Teen Mom (MTV, 10 PM). I've been waiting all season for Tyler to pop the question to Catelynn and, unless the promos lied, tonight is the night! I am going to cry just thinking about it.

The most hated man in Judaism and the most hated man on the Internet (two organizations with whom I am exclusively affiliated) join forces tonight when Mel Gibson is a guest on The Jay Leno Show (NBC, 10 PM).

January 27, 2010

The State of the Union (NBC, FOX, CNN, 9 PM) is tonight. President Barack Obama will be addressing Congress and the nation, and something tells me it won't be as delightful as Oprah's Christmas at the White House was.

Psych (USA, 10 PM) is back with its fourth season winter premiere. This episode is going to have a crazy plotline related to the Army, which could be really sad based on what Obama says during the State of the Union.

Tonight's the season finale of Launch My Line (BRAVO, 10 PM). It's down to the DJ with the barely-there dresses; the earthy, hippie jewelry designer; and the Peggy Bundy lookalike who loves convertible clothing. And maybe we'll finally be able to figure out which DSquared2 twin is which.

January 28, 2010

Live for the Moment (CBS, 8 PM) debuts tonight. This show is basically Survivor host Jeff Probst playing "Make a Wish" for adults. It's totally contrived and the biggest waste of tissues since Extreme Home Makeover.

Tonight are the season premieres of America's Best Dance Crew (MTV, 10 PM) and Taking the Stage (MTV, 11 PM). Now that Teen Mom and Jersey Shore are over, I think I may finally be free from MTV's chains for a few weeks until Season Two of Sixteen and Pregnant airs.

I'm especially intrigued by this week's episode of Vampire Diaries (The CW, 8 PM) because I'm a total sucker when it comes to things that are '50s-themed. They even titled this episode "Unpleasantville"! Come on!

January 29, 2010

We say goodbye to Dollhouse (FOX, 8 PM) tonight. Series finales are saaad.

I don't know what it is about staying in on Friday nights, but whenever I do, I just want to watch cooking shows. Lucky for me, Kitchen Nightmares (FOX, 9 PM) returns tonight for its third season premiere. It also bears mentioning that I feel confident predicting that Chef Ramsey will throw up in this episode.

It's probably a good thing that most diehard Battlestar Galactica fans have already watched the Caprica pilot on Hulu or on DVD, since the first hour of it is going to be on against the Haiti benefit that everyone in the world is going to watch. Though of course if you haven't watched it, it's airing again right afterward at 11, so you can always do both. And if you haven't, while it isn't a perfect pilot, it is definitely worth checking out. Even if you don't know what the hell a Cylon is or how to find Caprica on a map.

Burn Notice returns tonight, and it's Cagney & Lacey reunion time! That exclamation is just for decoration, of course, because who cares about a Cagney & Lacey reunion? I mean really. Tyne Daly guest-starring aside, what's important is that tonight, the Westen gang will be helping a recently widowed woman with a few violent con men who are on her case. Also, according to the preview video on the show's website, someone unrelated to that case lures Michael to a hotel room just to blow it up. Neat!