January 16, 2010

There's a Chopped (Food Network, 8 PM) mini-marathon on tonight, complete with that one episode where judge Scott Conant is like, "I despise red onions!" and then two dumb chefs use red onions in their next dishes, and then Conant chops them and is all like, "It's not because you used red onions!"

January 17, 2010

Tonight are the 2010 Golden Globe Awards Red Carpet Special (NBC, 7 PM) and the 67th Annual Golden Globe Awards (NBC, 8 PM) hosted by the wonderful Ricky Gervais.

According to its press release, in the first part of the 2-night, 4-hour season premiere of 24 (FOX, 8 PM), Jack Bauer is "unwillingly drawn back into action." Meanwhile, Americans everywhere are slightly disappointed that this episode's hours are 6:00 PM - 8:00 PM, because if they were pushed ahead a few hours, it would feel like real-time! Well, there's always tomorrow night.

Also on tonight is Aziz Ansari: Intimate Moments For A Sensual Evening (Comedy Central, 10 PM), which has got to be the world's best thing to flip to during commercials or if Entourage wins Best Comedy.

January 18, 2010

Tonight is the series premiere Life Unexpected (The CW, 9 PM). The drama is marketed as "Juno meets Gilmore Girls," but I think a more appropriate description would be "True Life: I'm Homeless meets Let's Make a Deal."

Often, after a long day of bidding, as I sit back in my tufted antique Italian-leather chair, sip on a smooth glass of Courvoisier Cognac and watch Teen Moon, I am bombarded with annoying commercials for crappy new shows. Premiering tonight are the two most obnoxious of those promoted: The Buried Life (MTV, 10 PM) and My Life As Liz (MTV 10:30 PM).

January 19, 2010

Better Off Ted (ABC, 9:30 PM) sounds especially funny this week when Ted hits it off with a girl who doesn't speak a word of English, thanks to a new technology device.

While I'm excited for the 3rd season premiere of Millionaire Matchmaker (Bravo, 10 PM), I am still in shock that someone is actually willing to marry Patti. I recommend checking out the show's page for an awesomely airbrushed picture of our girl.

White Collar (USA, 10 PM) is back for its first-season winter premiere in a new time slot. Neal Caffrey is no Bryce Larkin, I'll tell you that much.

January 20, 2010

The comic book-based Human Target (FOX, 9 PM) debuts tonight in a special timeslot. It will move back to 8 PM on Wednesdays from now on -- that is, of course, if Christopher Chance can survive the first episode! (Seriously -- him dying would be hell on the ratings.)

Get your baby's tan on tonight while watching the Season 3 premiere of Toddlers & Tiaras (TLC, 10PM).

January 21, 2010

TWoP recommends The Deep End (ABC, 8 PM) as your new guilty pleasure this season. The series premiere is tonight, giving you plenty of time to arbitrarily pick characters to hate.

If you need one reason not to change the channel when Grey's Anatomy (ABC, 9 PM) comes on afterwards, the episode title alone just may do the trick: "I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked."

In honor of the two hour season finale of Jersey Shore (MTV, 10 PM), I will make dinner for all of my roommates then absolutely refuse to clean anything, weirdly be in love with someone I met two days beforehand, and turn 55 years old.

January 22, 2010

For those of you who missed the DVD release, the pilot of Caprica (SyFy, 9 PM) makes its television debut tonight. After you watch it (or if you want spoilers) check out our in-depth recap for some in-depth coverage.

George Clooney's charity telethon Hope for Haiti (Most Major Networks, 8 PM) will run commercial-free tonight for two hours.

I love The Best Thing I Ever Ate (Food Network, 10 PM), but between long-winded Giada De Laurentiis segments and titling this episode "Salty Goodness," I think the show may be trying to market more to frat guys than actual foodies.