January 23, 2010

Tonight is the 16th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards (TNT and TBS, 8 PM). While some people call them the SAG Awards, I don't call them anything, because who cares about them at all? That being said, I'll be so excited if Modern Family wins Best Comedy.

I was living in Boston when those teenage girls all got pregnant at Gloucester High, which is why I'll be watching The Pregnancy Pact (LIFETIME, 9 PM). It's totally not because I'm a fan of Camryn Manheim or genuinely enjoyed other dramatic Lifetime movies, such as the 2004 classic She's Too Young. No sir, not me!

January 24, 2010

Sports really hog the airwaves all day today! Since the Patriots are out of the running, I feel secure in my decision to watch Food Network Challenge: Beauty Pageant Cakes (Food Network, 8 PM). The cake designers have to make a cake to commemorate some beauty pageant, but the catch is that real-life stage moms will be their assistants! $10 says one of the moms suggests spray tanning their cake and ruining its chances at a normal adult life.

Man, you guys on the TWoP forums are the best! I was so excited to see that over 24,000 of you have read the thread about Frank the Entertainer in a Basement Affair (VH1, 8 PM). This week keeps the trashy bar high when Frank challenges the women to a "wet-and-wild" bikini softball game.

For the people out there who like slightly heartbreaking medical mystery shows (i.e., things my brothers' girlfriends love), tonight is the special presentation of The Tiniest Girl in the World (TLC, 9 PM).

January 25, 2010

After a pretty great season finale, Damages (FX, 10 PM) returns for its third season premiere this evening.

It's a good thing I have a DVR, because between a two-night, four-hour season premiere and time slot changes, I would be totally lost about when 24 (FOX, 9 PM) came on. I guess I could technically watch the episodes online, but it's not the same when I have to sit through ten seconds of commercials, you know?

Greek (ABC FAMILY, 10 PM) returns tonight for its Season Three winter premiere. I'd tell you the premise of this episode, but just imagine every other plotline about college students ever and it'll come to you.

Tonight is the two-episode series premiere of The Inbetweeners (BBC America, 9 PM). For a show about four British high-school losers, the show sure has a pretty cool name. Shouldn't it be about alien invaders from another dimension or something?

January 26, 2010

Can you believe this is our last Tuesday before Lost returns? It feels like it was just yesterday that Juliet desperately grabbed hold of the Jughead and maybe set it off. If you want to get yourself psyched for some crazy stuff, why not watch Psychic Kids: Children of the Paranormal (A&E, 9 PM)? This episode is about two girls whose nightmares come true, which for me would be Kate and Sawyer ending up together.

Tonight's the season finale of Teen Mom (MTV, 10 PM). I've been waiting all season for Tyler to pop the question to Catelynn and, unless the promos lied, tonight is the night! I am going to cry just thinking about it.

The most hated man in Judaism and the most hated man on the Internet (two organizations with whom I am exclusively affiliated) join forces tonight when Mel Gibson is a guest on The Jay Leno Show (NBC, 10 PM).

January 27, 2010

The State of the Union (NBC, FOX, CNN, 9 PM) is tonight. President Barack Obama will be addressing Congress and the nation, and something tells me it won't be as delightful as Oprah's Christmas at the White House was.

Psych (USA, 10 PM) is back with its fourth season winter premiere. This episode is going to have a crazy plotline related to the Army, which could be really sad based on what Obama says during the State of the Union.

Tonight's the season finale of Launch My Line (BRAVO, 10 PM). It's down to the DJ with the barely-there dresses; the earthy, hippie jewelry designer; and the Peggy Bundy lookalike who loves convertible clothing. And maybe we'll finally be able to figure out which DSquared2 twin is which.

January 28, 2010

Live for the Moment (CBS, 8 PM) debuts tonight. This show is basically Survivor host Jeff Probst playing "Make a Wish" for adults. It's totally contrived and the biggest waste of tissues since Extreme Home Makeover.

Tonight are the season premieres of America's Best Dance Crew (MTV, 10 PM) and Taking the Stage (MTV, 11 PM). Now that Teen Mom and Jersey Shore are over, I think I may finally be free from MTV's chains for a few weeks until Season Two of Sixteen and Pregnant airs.

I'm especially intrigued by this week's episode of Vampire Diaries (The CW, 8 PM) because I'm a total sucker when it comes to things that are '50s-themed. They even titled this episode "Unpleasantville"! Come on!

January 29, 2010

We say goodbye to Dollhouse (FOX, 8 PM) tonight. Series finales are saaad.

I don't know what it is about staying in on Friday nights, but whenever I do, I just want to watch cooking shows. Lucky for me, Kitchen Nightmares (FOX, 9 PM) returns tonight for its third season premiere. It also bears mentioning that I feel confident predicting that Chef Ramsey will throw up in this episode.