And somewhere along the way stupid Ali calls Jake and begs to be back on the show because she thinks she's Ed or something. I swear, that girl is angling to be the next Bachelorette almost as much as Jake shamelessly did (for the Bachelor, not the Bachelorette. Though I bet if ABC had only offered him the option of Bachelorette he would have immediately been like "To the wig shop!"). I should have known something was up when I genuinely liked her over the first two episodes.

So who gets the two roses tonight? It can't be Ali, if they even do let her back on, because ABC seems pretty set on her leading up the next installment. I say Gia and Tenley, because Vienna is gross, but Jake seems genuinely beguiled by her brand of crazy, and you know she's going to do something... convincing in the Fantasy Suite. God help us all.

The Bachelor airs on ABC tonight at 8 PM, you hopeless faux-romance addicts!