There are certain things that make me feel old: Kids with iPhones, complaining about the high noise levels on planes, enjoying prune juice, Justin Beiber, and the promos for MTV's latest Jackass-type reality show, The Dudesons In America.

Happy Cinco de Mayo, everybody! It's time to hang out in an airport with the Modern Family family! Because it's Jay's birthday, and Gloria has surprised him by buying the entire family plane tickets and hotel rooms in Hawaii for what seems like an exorbitant amount of time, considering this Hawaii vacation arc is being spread over two weeks' episodes. So, he's pissed, which sounds uncomfortable. Hopefully Cam will pick up on the awkwardness and start acting a fool again like he did at Mitch's new boss's house a couple weeks ago. Hope the 747 isn't parked on a turntable.

It's makeover night! This episode is pretty much why I sit through this product placement show for an entire season. Well, this episode and the finale episode where you see what all these people look like when they've lost the weight of a Vespa. This season in particular I've been desperate for the makeover episode, mostly because I'm sick and tired of Michael's (and to a lesser extent Daris's) enormous hair-don't. Not that I have anything against long hair on guys at all, but Michael with the headbands and the sweating -- it's all just too much. The commercials show hairstylist to the Pussycat Dolls Jonathan Antin, a pair of clippers and Michael saying that his hair needs to go... I'm praying that this bodes well.

The Jersey ladies have returned! I was given an advanced screener of tonight's second season premiere, so I can tell you right now that this first episode takes you right back into the Wizarding, Danielle-Hating World of Teresa, Jacqueline, Caroline, and Dina. And boy, do they hate Danielle! All they do is talk about how awful she is. Even though I generally agree with them, their non-stop shit-talking has actually gotten to the point that it's getting boring, annoying, and actually a little grotesque to watch. Seriously, sit through ten minutes of "Jersey Questionnaires" and you'll want to spend $20,000 in cash on new clothes just to change the subject!

Full disclosure: I've only seen one full episode of this show, but I have watched every clip Hulu has to offer. That being said, I'm going to go ahead and concede that I love Jerseylicious. And I use the word "love" gently, of course, because I am in no way saying that this is great television. Instead, if you keep your standards real low, Jerseylicious is what I choose to think of as high-quality "home sick programming," which, like so many other trashy series, are a godsend when you're parked on the couch all day and don't have the energy to move or think.