Hey, it's AMC's official launch of a pilot they've already aired, and have had legally streaming everywhere on the internet for quite some time now! And if that weren't already hard to get excited about, I think we've all seen the pilot by now, and let's just say that it's a lot more Prisoner than Breaking Bad, unfortunately. It could get better, it probably will, but I found this pilot so dull and deeply flawed it felt like I was watching a network pilot or something. (Ooh, burn!)

Apparently, VH1 did not invent the idea of having comedians talk about things we care about in order to turn it into entertainment. I Love the '80s was a BBC series across the pond before VH1 turned it into a franchise, with repeated seasons of 1980s love-ins, a few 1970s editions, one series about the new millennium, one about toys, and one about the holidays. All relied on nostalgia, with possibly the exception of the millennium edition, depending on quickly your nostalgia sets in. But now their latest show tackles current pop culture events, in list format. Can it survive without the nostalgia?

Jersey Shore, the most important thing that has ever happened, anywhere, ever, returns with new episodes tonight. Tonight! But you already know that, because everyone knows that -- it is literally the biggest news in the entire world. But now that they're in Miami, what will change? Do they have duck phones in Miami? Is there legal protection for Fred Flintstone toes? Do they even have pickles there? I don't know because I haven't left the Tri-State area since the late '40s, but I'm worried that this could get dire.

I thought that Hoarders was about as disgusting as a TV show about gross living environments could get. I was wrong. After watching the premiere of this show last year, I was thoroughly skeeved-out and really just wanted to take a long shower and scrub my entire house from top to bottom... and I don't even have any pets. In the premiere episode alone, there was a guy who had so many cats in his house that his ailing wife had to move out, and when he finally was convinced to call animal control, they found not one, but two long dead cats in among the dozens of living ones.

Yet another Fox show starring Gordon Ramsay based on a show he has in the UK. Seriously... when does this man have time to do all these shows, sleep and run a billion restaurants? It's a mystery. Anyway, on this one he's not going to disgusting restaurants and picking out fuzzy foods from the freezers or calling cocky chefs "donkeys." Instead, he's taking average people who have always wanted to be professional chefs and really giving them the chance to shine.

Another Bachelorette season, another round of "the men" telling all. I hate Ali and I hate this season, but there are two things to look forward to in tonight's episode. Number 1) "Rated R" refused to participate in the taping, so they are just going to go crazy on this guy. It's going to be some epic shit-talking, and considering the fact that the only thing resembling epic shit-talking on TV this summer is on The Real Housewives of New Jersey (another show having a crap season) and Big Brother After Dark (people trying to stay awake for 24 hours while also trying to gossip is just sad to watch), I welcome the chance to watch a group of adults properly rip apart someone who is not there to defend himself. Mostly because I like to see how Chris Harrison tries to maintain his moral superiority while conducting the trash talk symphony, but for other reasons, too.

As I'm sure you are all well aware, Mad Men's fourth season begins tonight. It's not only a relief to have the show back (the breaks between seasons are just way too long), it's also nice to have something substantive to talk about that isn't True Blood for the first time in over a month.

Yeah! Bring on the dragons! Nothing like a good sword-and-sorcery series to get the blood-- what? That's Game of Thrones? And it comes out next year? Well, what's this, then? The story of the construction of a cathedral during the Anarchy period of British history, and the sex, war, scandal and political gamesmanship that go along with it? Really? And it's on Starz? Well, unless the Anarchy had a lot of slow-motion and spurting blood, I don't think it will keep the Spartacus fans quiet for long. However, it does sound like the perfect replacement for Party Down!

What? There's a new concierge doctor in the Hamptons? How will HankMed survive now that he doesn't have the entire Hamptons as his clientele? Something tells us he'll do okay, as long as he doesn't let his brother Evan give their father the Fonz all their money again. But will this sexy blonde doc be a business rival, a rival for Hank's affections towards Jill, or both? We're gonna go with "both," because there is nothing sexier than an open market. Start stealing his clients now, Jill!

Despite the constant injuries, this season is plugging along and tonight marks the 150th episode of the show. And though we've heard non-stop chatter about National Dance day, there really doesn't seem to be anything special planned for tonight's episode. It is just the Top 6 dancers, dancing with an all-star, then they are paired with each other and then they dance solo. Pretty much par for the course. I was hoping that Cat would jump out of a cake or something.