Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve with Ryan Seacrest boasts the hosting "talents" of not only Seacrest, but also Fergie. I know, control your excitement. There will also be performances by Taylor Swift, Carly Rae Jepsen, Neon Trees, Brandy, Flo Rida, Karmin, Pitbull and OneRepublic. And before the 10 PM festivities, Jenny McCarthy and Fergie will be hosting a very special tribute/clip show at 8 PM covering the highlights of Dick Clark's career.

Fox on the other hand has the annoying X Factor winner Tate Stevens and Marlon Wayans. That's pretty much it. A guy they basically own and Marlon Wayans.

Over on MTV, there's Club NYE with Ke$ha, Ne-Yo, Rita Ora and Conor Maynard, and that shindig for the younger set is hosted by Snooki, JWOWW and Jeff Dye. We're skipping it because... well, we're old and also because we can't possibly watch Snooki & JWOWW pimp their terrible reality show for the evening.

And then there is NBC's New Year's Eve with Carson Daly, which is only slightly less depressing than the Fox one, as he is saddled with The Voice winner Cassadee Pope. At least there's Train as well -- you know, for your mom. And Angela Kinsey from The Office will be helping out with the surely taxing hosting duties. Anything that doesn't involve Christina Milian explaining hashtags and text messages to us is a bonus.

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