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Sunday, February 8, 2009: The Grammys

by Lauren Gitlin February 7, 2009 6:00 am
Sunday, February 8, 2009: The Grammys

Ahhh, the Grammys... the mother of all superfluous award shows in a season filled to bursting with superfluous award shows. A shit show in the most literal sense. Strap yourself in, folks -- it's gonna be another 3-plus hours of megalomaniacal celebrities waxing narcissistic about their impact on the universe. (I'm looking at you, Kanye "Red in a Gray World" West.)

The good news? Hugh Jackman isn't hosting! (Or is that bad news?) My 15-year-old self's favorite band blink-182 will reunite on stage to present an award! M.I.A. will give birth while performing "Paper Planes"! The USC Marching Band will perform with Radiohead (verdict's still out on that, but my money says it will rule). Lil Wayne will get messed up on cough syrup and be awesome. And Kanye will probably say something dumb. Also, Neil Effing Diamond is going to be honored, so that's cool. The bad news? Umm, it's the Grammys? And this year's nominees are even more yawnsville than usual. (Weezy excepted, duh.)

But you never know, maybe for kicks the producers will incorporate some fun sideshow gags to keep things interesting this year. It could happen! (It's not gonna happen.) My suggestions? A girl-on-girl mudwrestling match between Beyoncé and Etta James, a Mister Yunioshi-style gag involving Miley Cyrus, and Jessica Simpson on a hamster treadmill for all three horrific hours undergoing a Biggest Loser-style challenge to prove that she is not fat, it was just those jeans.

You never know! Pour yourself a tumbler full of vodka, and tune in Sunday at 8 PM on CBS. To see what else is on tonight, check out our TV listings.

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