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Friday, July 19, 2013: Teen Beach Movie

by Ariel Kay July 19, 2013 6:00 am
Friday, July 19, 2013: <i>Teen Beach Movie</i>

Can't they just air High School Musical instead?

The latest Disney Channel original musical, Teen Beach Movie (seriously, can no one at Disney think up an original title?) looks like a combination of Grease, West Side Story and Pleasantville, but a combination that has been beaten into submission by pre-teen girls and is now lying unconscious in a dungeon somewhere, surrounded by Justin Beiber posters and plastic toy horses.

The film's main characters, Brady (Ross Lynch) and Mackenzie (Maia Mitchell) are friends who want to have one last summer of fun together before Mackenzie moves away. They go surfing, but are knocked unconscious by a big wave. It seems obvious that at that point they should, you know, die. Instead, they wake up ... wait for it ... inside Brady's favorite movie-musical from the '60s, Wet Side Story. Rival gangs of surfers and bikers (stand-ins for Sharks and Jets) run the town, but also perform show tunes with synced choreography, like you do. Brady and Mackenzie have fun hanging out with their new weirdly nonsexual uber-happy friends, but then the plot of West Side Story starts to change as the pair upsets the natural order of the film. Seriously, has no one told Tobey Maguire or Reese Witherspoon about this, because I think they might want to demand some royalty checks.

Watch Teen Beach Movie (and weep for the state of middle-school culture) at 8 PM on the Disney Channel. Then at 10 PM watch the Season 1 finale of Treehouse Masters on Animal Planet. Note to Animal Planet: Trees are not animals.

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