The most dramatic and media-involved residents of the Upper East Side are back, for one last fashion-filled season.
We gave Gossip Girl a lot of grief last season, and for good reason. It was so bad, and so stale, that I was fully convinced it was permanently launched into a non-stop Brothers & Sisters-style downward spiral into crap city, and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it. But that all changed when I watched tonight's premiere and had my mind blown.
Well, it's the season finale of Privileged, or as I like to call it, Sex and the Miami McMansion Maid's Quarters. Frankly I'm a little shocked that it's actually managed to stay the course for an entire run. In this less than nurturing television climate, it's sort of amazing that a quiet little Chick-Lit series with a color palette straight out of a Delia's catalog would make it this far. I mean that as a compliment, people! Sure, the show's not as lurid as 90210 or as stylish as Gossip Girl, but the dialogue's snappy and smart and the plots, while not always as compelling as, say, the Blair-Chuck trainwreck, are consistent and well crafted. And it's rare and serendipitous when shows like that actually gain enough of an audience to keep on rolling, am I right?
November 28, 2009
It's only four weeks until Christmas, and we all know what that means: 'Tis the season for cheesy TV movies. National Tree (Hallmark, 8 PM) stars Andrew McCarthy (yes, the Andrew McCarthy) and a boy from Save the Last Dance 2 as a father and son driving to Washington D.C. with a special tree in tow.
Beyond Sherwood Forest (SyFy, 9 PM) is a strange re-imagining of the classic Robin Hood tale. In this version, the Sheriff of Nottingham uses some crazy flying dragon to try and catch Robin Hood.
November 29, 2009
The Dog Who Saved Christmas (ABC Family, 8 PM) stars Mario Lopez as the voice of a mischievous dog left home alone while his family is out and about. While this is happening, two thugs (one of whom is Dean Cain) try to rob the house, but the dog deters them with silly pranks. This is Home Alone with a dog. It looks awful, but kids might like it.
If you have four hours free, catch Bruce Springsteen, U2, Sting, and pretty much any rock act you can think of performing on the 25th Anniversary Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Concert (HBO, 8 PM). Just change the channel when The Black Eyed Peas come on. They're not rock and roll.
Taraji P. Henson and Terence "Baby Wipes" Howard host the 2009 Soul Train Awards (BET, 9 PM). Michael Jackson already won the Entertainer of the Year Award.
November 30, 2009
The least annoying show about weird-looking cakes, Cake Boss (TLC, 9 PM) moves to a new time slot. I'm not sure what fondant is or if it can possibly taste good, but that's one of the most-used words in this show.
Chuck finds out something potentially damaging about Serena and Trip on Gossip Girl (The CW, 9 PM). The previews tell us that "Thanksgiving if full of secrets," which is true. My mom lied about buying a pre-cooked turkey once.
Hoarders (A&E, 10 PM) is hard to watch, but I would recommend it because it shows you the bad things can happen just in case you decide to never take out the garbage. Noxious fumes galore.
December 1, 2009
I was a little confused when I found out about Britain's Missing Top Model (BBCA, 9 PM). The show is about young women with disabilities who want to become models. But does the "missing" refer to what they are actually without, or whether Britain is "missing" a disabled model? I'm either offended or pleased. I cannot decide.
Scrubs (ABC, 9:30 PM) seems as though it will never go away. A 9th season will have Dr. Cox, J.D., and Turk teaching medical school, which just seems forced. Also, Elliott is preggers with J.D.'s kid because this show needs another baby.
Look, boobies! In diamond-encrusted bras! The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show (CBS, 10 PM) will be watched by men across America while their wives and girlfriends roll their eyes in annoyance.
On the season finale of The Hills (MTV, 10 PM), a portent of the apocalypse may come true if Speidi is indeed with child. Also, Justin-Bobby and Kristin decide on whether they should date. They probably should not. And they should probably go away.
On the second season finale of Sons of Anarchy (FX, 10 PM), SAMCRO goes to the mattresses against The League.
December 2, 2009
The sacred Rockefeller Center tree is lit up for the holiday season amidst musical renditions from NBC darling Jane Krakowski and The Roots on Christmas in Rockefeller Center (NBC, 8 PM).
On Glee (FOX, 9 PM), the club is left out of the yearbook because of budget cuts and everyone is relieved, except for Rachel. You have better catch this one before Glee disappears for four months.
I laughed when I saw the previews for Steven Seagal: Lawman (A&E, 10 PM). He's totally serious about this police gig. Hopefully Seagal knows that squinting while talking and breaking pool sticks in half will not keep him safe from real guns.
For those who are in Project Runway withdrawal, Launch My Line (Bravo, 11 PM) is the latest show about fashion design. This show is different in that 10 established designers are paired off with 10 professionals who have dreamed of launching their own clothing lines. Why does this seem to be everyone's dream?
December 3, 2009
Tom gets a divorce from his hot green card toting wife on Parks and Recreation (NBC, 8:30 PM) and gets the sads.
Liz begins production on her Dealbreakers talk show on 30 Rock (NBC, 9:30 PM) and finds out what it's like to be Jenna. God help the TGS cast.
Jersey Shore (MTV, 10 PM) is a good choice for anyone who was a fan of the True Life episode "I Have A Summer Share." Just think of the explosive possibilities when just the right amount of hair gel and white tank tops combine.
December 4, 2009
Tonight marks the beginning of the end for Dollhouse (FOX, 8 PM). The network will air two episodes back-to-back tonight.
Monk (USA, 9 PM) is coming to a close tonight. Monk will figure out who killed his wife, but hardly anyone will notice because no one has watched this show since 2005.
The first season finale of Stargate: Universe (SyFy, 9 PM) airs tonight.
November 14, 2009
Gina Gershon stars as a badass (because that's what Gina Gershon does) in Everything She Ever Wanted (Lifetime, 8 PM). According to the movie's website, for those living amongst Gershon's character Pat, "no one was safe when Pat Allanson didn't get her way." Sounds about right.
January Jones (a.k.a. Betty Draper) stops by Saturday Night Live (NBC, 11:30 PM), and the Black Eyed Peas, who continue to try too hard with both their music and fashion, will perform.
November 15, 2009
Oh, look! It's just what humanity needs! A second season of the reality competition Tough Love (VH1, 9 PM), in which women with low self-esteem and anger issues are coached into better romantic relationships. Because that's just what you need when you hate yourself -- a partner upon whom you can project your issues!
AMC's retelling of the 1960s version of The Prisoner (AMC, 8 PM) stars Jim Caviezel. Caviezel's character, known as Six, finds himself under constant surveillance among others identified only by numbers. I suppose it's kind of like the DMV.
November 16, 2009
For some crazy reason, the 16th season premiere of Inside the Actor's Studio (Bravo, 8 PM) has Bon Jovi as the guest. Whatever will they talk about? Surely an hour is too long to discuss the merits of Jon's role on Ally McBeal.
Let's have some fun, this beat is sick -- Lady Gaga comes to Gossip Girl (The CW, 9 PM). What will she wear? Jenny Humphrey, you better bring your fashion A game this week.
Chef Academy (Bravo, 11 PM) features endless disgusted looks and throwing food in trash cans. The "world's sexiest chef" (not sure who voted for that title), Jean Christophe Novelli, who has an awesome French accent, will school young'uns in the kitchen.
November 17, 2009
Even if you don't have kids, the NBC Special: Merry Madagascar (NBC, 8 PM) may be worth a look. Nothing says holiday cheer like animals voiced by celebrities.
Finally, this Heather Locklear mess is about to go down. Amanda returns to a lesser version of the show that made her infamous on Melrose Place (The CW, 9 PM).
November 18, 2009
It's down to Laura and Nicole on the season finale of America's Next Top Model (The CW, 8 PM). Will they survive a runway challenge that incorporates wind and rain? More importantly, which of the contestants will win the chance to fade into obscurity like the rest of the past winners?
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words...sorry, Elton John just gets to me. The kids of Glee (FOX, 9 PM) are paired off to sing their favorite ballads tonight.
Claire wants to surprise Phil with a performance by Izzy Lafontaine (Ed Norton, in a Ron Wood wig and fake British accent) on Modern Family (ABC, 9 PM). Elizabeth Banks also guest stars as someone with large boobies.
The 13th fall season finale of South Park (Comedy, 10 PM) airs tonight.
November 19, 2009
On this week's Parks and Recreation (NBC, 8:30 PM), Leslie invites herself to Ron's annual hunting trip. Hopefully she will not know how to use a rifle.
If you're a Fringe (FOX, 9 PM) fan, you'll probably be happy to know the show will be focusing on The Observer tonight, rather than a monster-of-the-week like they have been of late. There may be more than one Observer, and he may not be as evil as one thinks.
Meredith's father visits Seattle Grace on Grey's Anatomy (ABC, 9 PM). Not surprisingly, Mr. Grey disapproves of his daughter's life choices.
How is it still not over? The sixth season finale of Project Runway (Lifetime, 10 PM) is tonight. My prediction for the winner: Irina.
So Blair didn't get into Yale, and instead of just chilling out and being happy she won't have to go to such a stressful school like any normal lazy person would do, she's basically going to flip out completely and "explore her dark side" tonight (whatever that means). So much so, in fact, that Serena and Chuck become very concerned about her and try to bribe Dorota for intel when Blair goes AWOL, which should be hysterical. The other characters on the show have things to do as well, though no one cares about the people who aren't named Blair or Chuck. Regardless of that, Vanessa tells Nate to grow up and forgive his family their shittiness, Rufus and Lily share their sexual histories with each other with disastrous results, and the press release I read didn't say anything about Dan and Tinker Bell, but I'm sure they'll be hanging around as well. Should be fun! XOXO and all of that.
November 7, 2009
Rob Lowe is suspected of killing his wife in the Lifetime original movie Too Late to Say Goodbye (Lifetime, 8 PM). Those brooding blue eyes will not get you out of this one, Lowe.
If you're interested in hearing sarcastic commentary about the week's news on Saturday nights, The Wanda Sykes Show (FOX, 11 PM) premieres tonight.
Taylor Swift hosts Saturday Night Live (NBC, 11:30 PM) this week. Will Kanye West show up, or will Kenan once again be misused? Will there be a Taylor Lautner appearance as well? We wait with baited breath...
November 8, 2009
Seth Macfarlane and Alex Borstein do it up Donnie and Marie style (They even kind of look like them, in a creepy way.) on Family Guy Presents: Seth & Alex's Almost Live Comedy Show (FOX, 8:30 PM).
If you care, this week's Keeping Up with the Kardashians (E!, 9 PM) features an hour-long special on the shotgun wedding of Khloe to Lamar Odom. If you do watch it, look for Bruce Jenner's wackadoo plastic face.
The season finale of Mad Men (AMC, 10 PM) is happening, without my permission. Until next year, Don Draper. You saucy minx.
November 9, 2009
Michael Gambon plays the eccentric caretaker of a large mansion in the HBO premiere of the BBC movie Joe's Palace (HBO Signature, 9 PM). The film centers on the dark secret on the origins of the money that paid for the mansion.
Uh-oh. Parents will become outraged when a threesome is depicted on this week's Gossip Girl (The CW, 9 PM). Kids will be kids. Meanwhile, Jenny looks to become Queen Bee of the entire Upper East Side by scoring a hot cotillion date.
Late on those car payments? A fourth season of Operation Repo (TruTV, 10 PM) will show you what happens when you lose the rights to your sweet Nissan Maxima. Hint: a hefty woman with painted on eyebrows might show up at your house with a tow truck.
November 10, 2009
This week's installment of V (ABC, 8 PM) has Erica and impossibly good-looking Father Jack realize that a seeker from the V's is following them. Who wouldn't follow Father Jack?
Do you want to have ten kids? Really? You'll probably want zero after watching Table for 12 (TLC, 8:30 PM), TLC's Jon & Kate Plus 8 heir apparent.
Maggie Smith plays an old woman revisiting memories of her youth in the same mansion chronicled in Joe's Palace in Capturing Mary (HBO Signature, 9 PM).
November 11, 2009
The final four models on America's Next Top Model (The CW, 8 PM) learn "hip-hop hula" moves. Amazing! Tyra has found a new way to offend another culture!
The 43rd Annual CMA Awards (ABC, 8 PM) air tonight. Is it wrong that I know all of the lyrics to Taylor Swift's "Love Story"? If it is, I don't want to be right.
On this week's Glee (FOX, 9 PM), a diva-off between Kurt and Rachel ensues. Also, Sue Sylvester reveals her softer side.
In yet another incarnation of the ghost investigation genre, Ghost Hunters Academy (SyFy, 10 PM) takes a bunch of wet-behind-the-ears kids and teaches them all about ghost stakeouts. One of the guys teaching them is named Dave Tango, which has to be one of the most awesome names ever.
November 12, 2009
Science of the Movies: Zombies! Science of the Undead (Science Channel, 8 PM) will show you how Hollywood creates those terrifying flesh-eating zombies onscreen.
A kidnapping becomes a hostage situation in New York on this week's Fringe (FOX, 9 PM) and some sort of "mysterious force" is detected.
Leslie and the rest of the Parks Department compete to think up a new design for a defaced mural on Parks and Recreation (NBC, 9 PM). Also, Andy has an awkward moment with Ron at the shoeshine stand.
Cheyenne Jackson guest stars on 30 Rock (NBC, 9:30 PM) as the new cast member of The Girlie Show. There will be plenty of Jenna and Tracy tantrums to go around.
November 13, 2009
In this week's episode of Ghost Whisperer (CBS, 8 PM), a real estate listing leads Melinda to a corpse. Central air? Check. 2.5 baths? Check. Gas fireplace? Check. Dead body waiting to be found? Price cut, please.
The scariest thing you'll see on Friday the 13th? A couple trying to plan a $15,000 wedding on TLC Special: Battle of the Wedding Planners (TLC, 10 PM).
It's Gossip Girl premiere night, motherchuckers! God, I've missed this craptacular show. As I'm sure you've gathered from the recent promos, Blair and Chuck are still in a whole bunch of love (I'm sure that'll change, but I can't help myself hoping that it won't), Nate's going to be in a whole bunch of love and/or full-on-warfare with the nanny from Privileged, Serena I guess spent the whole summer possibly hooking up with that bastard Carter Baizen because sometimes she isn't very smart, Blair's rooming with Georgina, and the Humphries went to The Hamptons with Rufus's sugar mama Lily and just loved it, despite their bohemian commitments. And everybody except Jenny is going to college!