It's the finale of The Apprentice, and yeah, I know, no one is watching it, which is probably the only reason that Trump decided to throw Mindy and me (the sole viewers of this show) a bone and have the final two tasks be awesome. After someone (probably Liza) gets the boot, the other two contestants (probably Clint and Brandy) will each have an event to plan... as per usual. The events? One has to plan a golf tournament featuring Kathy Griffin and the other has to plan a Liza Minnelli concert. It's the most awesomely, wonderfully gay-friendly thing I've seen on this show since David was fawning over that male model.
It's been a year since My Life on the D-List was cancelled, but that hasn't stopped Kathy Griffin from doing her 14th stand-up special for Bravo. Not only that, but "Tired Hooker" (quoth Griffin: "I don't even know what to name them!") is actually her fourth Bravo show of the year. That is a lot of obnoxious material about terrible celebrities.
Put on your Sunday Sky Top, it's national Bravogasm night! First up, an all-new stand-up special from Kathy Griffin, who is still trying to pretend she's not a celebrity, god love her. Tonight she'll regale us with celebrity tales from the Emmys, those fudge-ups she calls assistants, and how Rosie O'Donnell hooked her up with Cher. Yes, the Cher. Between that and her brand new bikini body gracing the cover of tabloids like she's Lana frickin' Turner (I'm 97), I'd say she's arrived! That's at 9 PM, but at 10 PM we have...
Well, it's the season finale of Privileged, or as I like to call it, Sex and the Miami McMansion Maid's Quarters. Frankly I'm a little shocked that it's actually managed to stay the course for an entire run. In this less than nurturing television climate, it's sort of amazing that a quiet little Chick-Lit series with a color palette straight out of a Delia's catalog would make it this far. I mean that as a compliment, people! Sure, the show's not as lurid as 90210 or as stylish as Gossip Girl, but the dialogue's snappy and smart and the plots, while not always as compelling as, say, the Blair-Chuck trainwreck, are consistent and well crafted. And it's rare and serendipitous when shows like that actually gain enough of an audience to keep on rolling, am I right?
October 31, 2009
Happy Halloween! In between handing out candy to grubby-handed children, tune in to Night of the Living Dead (AMC, 8:15 PM) and learn what real zombies are like.
November 1, 2009
The contestants take a "spooky trip to Holland" and one team must reveal a personal secret to the others on The Amazing Race (CBS, 8 PM). What's so spooky about Holland? Is it the windmills? I thought so.
At this point, are we even sure that Dr. Drew is a real doctor? Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew (VH1, 10 PM) premieres tonight. Unfortunately, the show does not feature any recognizable celebrities and there's no David Duchovny. Well, maybe that's a good thing.
I woke up today with a question lingering on my mind. Who will be dressing Kim Kardashian in the future? Styl'd: Fashion 101 (MTV, 10 PM) follows a group of young people trying to become celebrity stylists.
November 2, 2009
After Barney gives terrible relationship advice to Marshall, Marshall and Lily have a huge fight on How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 PM).
Reality TV just gets more and more sleazy. In the second season of For the Love of Ray J (VH1, 9 PM), we'll find out that the singer impregnated a contest on the show last season. Classy.
On the season finale of Greek (ABC Family, 9 PM), the Zetas break out in a highly choreographed dance routine. The very same thing happened in my British lit lecture once...there were a lot of stunted, awkward movements.
On The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 9:30 PM), irony takes hold and Sheldon teaches Leonard about football.
No bitchassness allowed. I Want to Work for Diddy (VH1, 10 PM) finds a second season's worth of unwitting victims willing to do Diddy's dirty work. And get him cheesecake.
November 3, 2009
In yet another revival of the classic miniseries and a TV series that failed the first time, V (ABC, 8 PM) will introduce us to the hot alien chick Anna, who is probably more evil than her cute pixie haircut shows.
Samantha Ronson guest stars as (gasp!) a DJ and Pharrell performs on 90210 (The CW, 8 PM). Also guest starring is Rumer Willis as Gia, who helps Navid investigate drug use at West Beverly High.
A year after the 2008 election, the HBO special By the People: The Election of Barack Obama (HBO, 9 PM) follows the President on the campaign trail.
Kathy Griffin dishes on her date with Levi Johnston, which probably sucked. Kathy Griffin: Balls of Steel (Bravo, 9 PM) marks her seventh stand-up special on Bravo.
A second season of Tabatha's Salon Takeover (Bravo, 10 PM) may make you never want to visit a salon again. Here's to hoping that Tabatha can repair all salons one clogged drain at a time.
November 4, 2009
Oh no! Poor Jules is challenged by her friend to spend an entire day by herself on Cougar Town (ABC, 9:30 PM). That's easy. Why doesn't she just sit alone blogging all day...oh wait.
The team on CSI: NY (CBS, 10 PM) will learn what food sploshing is. Hint: it's kind of sexual, and definitely gross.
In Flowers Uncut with Jeff Leatham (TLC, 10 PM), we'll learn all about the stressful world of floral arrangements.
Top Chef (Bravo, 10 PM) features an all-stars dinner tonight, and Stefan will start beef with Marcel.
November 5, 2009
On this week's Community (NBC, 8 PM), the gang finds out that Jeff is living in his car and wants to help out. Hopefully Jeff will be forced to live with Pierce and we'll find out what that old man does in his spare time.
Sam and Dean get sucked into an alternate universe in which they are characters in different TV shows on Supernatural (The CW, 9 PM). This is a total rip-off of the best John Ritter movie ever - Stay Tuned.
Following the disaster that was Stone Mountain, Georgia, auditions for a new TGS actor are held on 30 Rock (NBC, 9:30 PM).
More overgrown mean girls? Sign me up. Slade returns to The Real Housewives of Orange County (Bravo, 10 PM) as Gretchen's new squeeze, and Jeana is broke. Supposedly.
Just in case you're tired of watching those two old guys discuss movies, The Rotten Tomatoes Show (Current, 10:30 PM) gives an honest spin on potential cinematic adventures. And you can even record a review that may air on the show.
November 6, 2009
Would you be interested in watching something depressing? Try Platinum Babies (WE, 9 PM), which documents idiot parents that spend $100,000 on baby showers for their kids. Nothing says stupid like gold-plated rattles.
You know that guy who wrote that terrible book that tells girls that some guy is just not into her? His comedy special, Greg Berendht: That Guy from That Thing (Comedy, 12 AM) airs tonight.