October 10, 2009
For those who remember Graham Norton's short-lived foray into American TV on Comedy Central, The Graham Norton Show enters a sixth season tonight (BBCA, 10 PM).

Adding to the catalogue of comedy specials featuring comic who scream jokes at their audiences (Lewis Black, Chris Rock), HBO Special: Wanda Sykes: I'ma Be Me (HBO, 10 PM) airs tonight.

Saturday Night Live (NBC, 11:30 PM), which has suffered recently due to Frat boy humor, will get a much-needed dose of estrogen this week with Drew Barrymore as host and Regina Spektor as musical guest.

October 11, 2009
On Brothers and Sisters (ABC, 10 PM), Kitty will tell everyone she has cancer. Womp, womp.

Dirty old man Hugh Hefner will show that he has even dirtier old man tendencies in the latest season of The Girls Next Door (E!, 10:30 PM), which will introduce his 20-year-old twin girlfriends. The twins look about 30, but they're 20. And they're orange.

Lorenzo Lamas, and the rest of his horribly obsolete "celebrity" family have their own reality show. Leave it to Lamas (E!, 11:00 PM) will make your eyes bleed. Not really. But you'll hate yourself for watching.

October 12, 2009
One thing that bothers me about Little People, Big World (TLC, 8 PM) is how the parents always seem to be worrying about money, yet they continue to build over-the-top things like tree houses and trebuchets at their family farm. A fifth season follows the castle construction drama.

Gossip Girl (The CW, 9 PM) will commit homicide on everything that was once good with the world when Sonic Youth performs in this wedding episode.

Million Dollar Listing (Bravo, 11 PM) follows three young, egotistical Los Angeles real estate agents for a third season. I must comment on Chad's hair. His stupid haircut (which probably cost more than my fillings) makes him look like a real-life Super-Mario Brothers mushroom. Not a good look.

October 13, 2009
The younger, angrier cousin of Top Chef, Hell's Kitchen (FOX, 8 PM) wraps up another season tonight.

If there's anything I became an expert on while growing up in the suburbs, it's hip-hop. VH1 Special: 2009 Hip Hop Honors (VH1, 9 PM) pays tribute to Def Jam with host Tracy Morgan.

October 14, 2009
So You Think You Can Dance (FOX, 8 PM) heads to Las Vegas for more auditions.

On tonight's Cougar Town (ABC, 9:30 PM), Jules tries to get Grayson to admit that she's hot. I get it already. Courteney Cox is hot even though she's over 40, and other women over 40 must beg younger men for validation.

Nip/Tuck (FX, 10 PM) begins the slow ride into the big TV series graveyard in the sky with the premiere of what will be the first part of a sixth and final season. Nothing was ever the same for me once I found out who The Carver was. Ah, nostalgia.

October 15, 2009
Fred Armisen guest stars as a Parks Department official from Pawnee's sister city of Boraqua, Venezuela on Parks and Recreation (NBC, 8:30 PM). Bienvenido a Pawnee! (Four years of high school Spanish, thank you very much.)

Sam and Dean investigate murders that resemble urban legends on Supernatural (The CW, 9 PM). The first victim: a babysitter who gets a call from inside the house!

Some show with Tina Fey called 30 Rock (NBC, 9:30 PM) returns tonight. Never heard of it. Kidding!

The post-Paul Blart: Mall Cop glory days will continue with TLC Special: Mall Cops: Mall of America (TLC, 10 PM).

October 16, 2009
Fans of Deadliest Catch, do not despair! Lobstermen (Discovery, 10 PM) follows men off the far coast of New England hunting for a crustacean worth over $30 billion in trade each year. That's a lot of awkward prom dates at Red Lobster.

The fall season finale of Psych (USA, 10 PM) features a crime involving an ice cream truck: the ice cream man runs out of Tweety Bird pops.

Tags: 30 rock, cougar town, Lobsterman, lorenzo lamas, nip/tuck, Psych, supernatural

Ohh, Nip/Tuck. I'll always love you, you crazy ass, at times ridiculously awesome, most batshit soap of all time, but it is time for you to end. The final season kicks off tonight, with a surprisingly low key premiere, gore-wise, but everything else is pretty much as you'd expect. Christian and Sean have been hurt by the financial crisis (enough with these economic downturn plotlines, TV!) and have to turn to super-stud surgeon Mario Lopez to bring in new, very creepy vagina rejuvenation business. You heard me.

Tags: Nip/Tuck