Goodbye, Nip/Tuck, you crazy tornado of gore, fantastically slutty people and perversion, you unyielding celebration of vomit-inducing taboos and dropped plot points. Despite its many, many flaws, I will truly miss this show. After its groundbreaking first season, it became one of the most entertaining guilty pleasures on television, and though I know this probably paints me in an unfavorable light, this show was honestly important to me.
December 12, 2009
After reading over the nominees for Spike TV's Video Game Awards 2009 (Spike, 8 PM), I realized that I know hardly anything about gaming, except for Mario and Princess Peach. Oh, and that game with guns and hookers. Kids like that stuff, right?
The buffest werewolf this side of anywhere, Taylor Lautner, is hosting Saturday Night Live (NBC, 11:30 PM) this weekend. Bon Jovi will perform as well.
December 13, 2009
I've never wanted Dexter to kill anyone more than I want him to kill Trinity. The season finale of Dexter (Showtime, 9 PM) promises huge twists and a major showdown between Trinity and Dexter. Deb also learns more about Dexter's identity.
I'm not sure if I'll watch The Jacksons: A Family Dynasty (A&E, 10 PM). It just seems so intrusive. And wrong. Okay, I'm sold.
Keeping Up with The Kardashians (E!, 10 PM) only managed to stay away from TV for a few short weeks since the wedding special. What great things will the Kardashian sisters contribute to culture this season?
The People Speak (History, 8 PM) is a documentary stemming from Howard Zinn's book A People's History of the United States. Matt Damon produced, and countless other actors and artists will appear in the documentary.
December 14, 2009
Christmas is coming up, just in case you haven't seen the gazillion Christmas-themed ads on TV. In the special Jennifer Hudson: I'll Be Home for Christmas (ABC, 8 PM), the singer performs around Chicago. Michael Buble will be there, too.
The twist in the new singing competition show, Sing-Off (NBC, 8 PM), is that everything is completely a capella. This show is completely necessary.
The second season finale of Lie to Me (FOX, 9 PM) airs tonight.
December 15, 2009
I couldn't believe how calm Gordon Ramsay appeared in the preview for the Fox special Gordon Ramsay: Cookalong Live (FOX, 9 PM). I'm still afraid that he'll yell at me through the TV for not properly oiling a pan.
Paranormal State (A&E, 10 PM) premieres for a fourth season.
I doubt that too many of the commercials featured on TBS Special: Funniest Commericals of the Year (TBS, 10 PM) will be that funny. Yet somehow people still laugh at the Geico caveman commercials.
December 16, 2009
The sixth season finale of So You Think You Can Dance (FOX, 8 PM) is tonight. Both members of the married couple are still in the running. Adorable!
In case you missed it, Mike Voltaggio is Top Chef, and he came in second to none other than his brother Bryan. The Top Chef: Watch What Happens Reunion (Bravo, 9 PM) is hosted by my imaginary BFF, Andy Cohen.
I still watch Nip/Tuck (FX, 10 PM). Does that make me lame? If it does, so be it. Find out where Christian and Sean leave off in the sixth season finale.
Tune in to The Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Reunion Show (MTV, 10PM). Now that $300,000 has been distributed amongst several challenge cast members, that income will only last until the next challenge. And all the same people will be there again.
December 17, 2009
The documentary BBC America: The Truth About Online Anorexia (BBCA, 8 PM) explores pro-ana websites. Kind of cringeworthy, but also intriguing.
I had thought Gilly was a funny character at first, but I'm starting to see through her cold exterior. Kristen Wiig stars in a two-hour Saturday Night Live: A Very Gilly Christmas (NBC, 8 PM) special. Sorry.
If you're not easily offended and you like political cartoons, SuperNews (Current TV, 11 PM) airs every Thursday night and just might be for you.
December 18, 2009
Crash (Starz, 10 PM) wraps up a second season tonight.
October 10, 2009
For those who remember Graham Norton's short-lived foray into American TV on Comedy Central, The Graham Norton Show enters a sixth season tonight (BBCA, 10 PM).
Adding to the catalogue of comedy specials featuring comic who scream jokes at their audiences (Lewis Black, Chris Rock), HBO Special: Wanda Sykes: I'ma Be Me (HBO, 10 PM) airs tonight.
Saturday Night Live (NBC, 11:30 PM), which has suffered recently due to Frat boy humor, will get a much-needed dose of estrogen this week with Drew Barrymore as host and Regina Spektor as musical guest.
October 11, 2009
On Brothers and Sisters (ABC, 10 PM), Kitty will tell everyone she has cancer. Womp, womp.
Dirty old man Hugh Hefner will show that he has even dirtier old man tendencies in the latest season of The Girls Next Door (E!, 10:30 PM), which will introduce his 20-year-old twin girlfriends. The twins look about 30, but they're 20. And they're orange.
Lorenzo Lamas, and the rest of his horribly obsolete "celebrity" family have their own reality show. Leave it to Lamas (E!, 11:00 PM) will make your eyes bleed. Not really. But you'll hate yourself for watching.
October 12, 2009
One thing that bothers me about Little People, Big World (TLC, 8 PM) is how the parents always seem to be worrying about money, yet they continue to build over-the-top things like tree houses and trebuchets at their family farm. A fifth season follows the castle construction drama.
Gossip Girl (The CW, 9 PM) will commit homicide on everything that was once good with the world when Sonic Youth performs in this wedding episode.
Million Dollar Listing (Bravo, 11 PM) follows three young, egotistical Los Angeles real estate agents for a third season. I must comment on Chad's hair. His stupid haircut (which probably cost more than my fillings) makes him look like a real-life Super-Mario Brothers mushroom. Not a good look.
October 13, 2009
The younger, angrier cousin of Top Chef, Hell's Kitchen (FOX, 8 PM) wraps up another season tonight.
If there's anything I became an expert on while growing up in the suburbs, it's hip-hop. VH1 Special: 2009 Hip Hop Honors (VH1, 9 PM) pays tribute to Def Jam with host Tracy Morgan.
October 14, 2009
So You Think You Can Dance (FOX, 8 PM) heads to Las Vegas for more auditions.
On tonight's Cougar Town (ABC, 9:30 PM), Jules tries to get Grayson to admit that she's hot. I get it already. Courteney Cox is hot even though she's over 40, and other women over 40 must beg younger men for validation.
Nip/Tuck (FX, 10 PM) begins the slow ride into the big TV series graveyard in the sky with the premiere of what will be the first part of a sixth and final season. Nothing was ever the same for me once I found out who The Carver was. Ah, nostalgia.
October 15, 2009
Fred Armisen guest stars as a Parks Department official from Pawnee's sister city of Boraqua, Venezuela on Parks and Recreation (NBC, 8:30 PM). Bienvenido a Pawnee! (Four years of high school Spanish, thank you very much.)
Sam and Dean investigate murders that resemble urban legends on Supernatural (The CW, 9 PM). The first victim: a babysitter who gets a call from inside the house!
Some show with Tina Fey called 30 Rock (NBC, 9:30 PM) returns tonight. Never heard of it. Kidding!
The post-Paul Blart: Mall Cop glory days will continue with TLC Special: Mall Cops: Mall of America (TLC, 10 PM).
October 16, 2009
Fans of Deadliest Catch, do not despair! Lobstermen (Discovery, 10 PM) follows men off the far coast of New England hunting for a crustacean worth over $30 billion in trade each year. That's a lot of awkward prom dates at Red Lobster.
The fall season finale of Psych (USA, 10 PM) features a crime involving an ice cream truck: the ice cream man runs out of Tweety Bird pops.
Ohh, Nip/Tuck. I'll always love you, you crazy ass, at times ridiculously awesome, most batshit soap of all time, but it is time for you to end. The final season kicks off tonight, with a surprisingly low key premiere, gore-wise, but everything else is pretty much as you'd expect. Christian and Sean have been hurt by the financial crisis (enough with these economic downturn plotlines, TV!) and have to turn to super-stud surgeon Mario Lopez to bring in new, very creepy vagina rejuvenation business. You heard me.