Somebody's getting married!
Take a break from the crazy of real American politics with the last episode of Parks and Recreation in a while. We're sad, but at least this gives Community the chance to come back.
November 28, 2009
It's only four weeks until Christmas, and we all know what that means: 'Tis the season for cheesy TV movies. National Tree (Hallmark, 8 PM) stars Andrew McCarthy (yes, the Andrew McCarthy) and a boy from Save the Last Dance 2 as a father and son driving to Washington D.C. with a special tree in tow.
Beyond Sherwood Forest (SyFy, 9 PM) is a strange re-imagining of the classic Robin Hood tale. In this version, the Sheriff of Nottingham uses some crazy flying dragon to try and catch Robin Hood.
November 29, 2009
The Dog Who Saved Christmas (ABC Family, 8 PM) stars Mario Lopez as the voice of a mischievous dog left home alone while his family is out and about. While this is happening, two thugs (one of whom is Dean Cain) try to rob the house, but the dog deters them with silly pranks. This is Home Alone with a dog. It looks awful, but kids might like it.
If you have four hours free, catch Bruce Springsteen, U2, Sting, and pretty much any rock act you can think of performing on the 25th Anniversary Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Concert (HBO, 8 PM). Just change the channel when The Black Eyed Peas come on. They're not rock and roll.
Taraji P. Henson and Terence "Baby Wipes" Howard host the 2009 Soul Train Awards (BET, 9 PM). Michael Jackson already won the Entertainer of the Year Award.
November 30, 2009
The least annoying show about weird-looking cakes, Cake Boss (TLC, 9 PM) moves to a new time slot. I'm not sure what fondant is or if it can possibly taste good, but that's one of the most-used words in this show.
Chuck finds out something potentially damaging about Serena and Trip on Gossip Girl (The CW, 9 PM). The previews tell us that "Thanksgiving if full of secrets," which is true. My mom lied about buying a pre-cooked turkey once.
Hoarders (A&E, 10 PM) is hard to watch, but I would recommend it because it shows you the bad things can happen just in case you decide to never take out the garbage. Noxious fumes galore.
December 1, 2009
I was a little confused when I found out about Britain's Missing Top Model (BBCA, 9 PM). The show is about young women with disabilities who want to become models. But does the "missing" refer to what they are actually without, or whether Britain is "missing" a disabled model? I'm either offended or pleased. I cannot decide.
Scrubs (ABC, 9:30 PM) seems as though it will never go away. A 9th season will have Dr. Cox, J.D., and Turk teaching medical school, which just seems forced. Also, Elliott is preggers with J.D.'s kid because this show needs another baby.
Look, boobies! In diamond-encrusted bras! The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show (CBS, 10 PM) will be watched by men across America while their wives and girlfriends roll their eyes in annoyance.
On the season finale of The Hills (MTV, 10 PM), a portent of the apocalypse may come true if Speidi is indeed with child. Also, Justin-Bobby and Kristin decide on whether they should date. They probably should not. And they should probably go away.
On the second season finale of Sons of Anarchy (FX, 10 PM), SAMCRO goes to the mattresses against The League.
December 2, 2009
The sacred Rockefeller Center tree is lit up for the holiday season amidst musical renditions from NBC darling Jane Krakowski and The Roots on Christmas in Rockefeller Center (NBC, 8 PM).
On Glee (FOX, 9 PM), the club is left out of the yearbook because of budget cuts and everyone is relieved, except for Rachel. You have better catch this one before Glee disappears for four months.
I laughed when I saw the previews for Steven Seagal: Lawman (A&E, 10 PM). He's totally serious about this police gig. Hopefully Seagal knows that squinting while talking and breaking pool sticks in half will not keep him safe from real guns.
For those who are in Project Runway withdrawal, Launch My Line (Bravo, 11 PM) is the latest show about fashion design. This show is different in that 10 established designers are paired off with 10 professionals who have dreamed of launching their own clothing lines. Why does this seem to be everyone's dream?
December 3, 2009
Tom gets a divorce from his hot green card toting wife on Parks and Recreation (NBC, 8:30 PM) and gets the sads.
Liz begins production on her Dealbreakers talk show on 30 Rock (NBC, 9:30 PM) and finds out what it's like to be Jenna. God help the TGS cast.
Jersey Shore (MTV, 10 PM) is a good choice for anyone who was a fan of the True Life episode "I Have A Summer Share." Just think of the explosive possibilities when just the right amount of hair gel and white tank tops combine.
December 4, 2009
Tonight marks the beginning of the end for Dollhouse (FOX, 8 PM). The network will air two episodes back-to-back tonight.
Monk (USA, 9 PM) is coming to a close tonight. Monk will figure out who killed his wife, but hardly anyone will notice because no one has watched this show since 2005.
The first season finale of Stargate: Universe (SyFy, 9 PM) airs tonight.
November 14, 2009
Gina Gershon stars as a badass (because that's what Gina Gershon does) in Everything She Ever Wanted (Lifetime, 8 PM). According to the movie's website, for those living amongst Gershon's character Pat, "no one was safe when Pat Allanson didn't get her way." Sounds about right.
January Jones (a.k.a. Betty Draper) stops by Saturday Night Live (NBC, 11:30 PM), and the Black Eyed Peas, who continue to try too hard with both their music and fashion, will perform.
November 15, 2009
Oh, look! It's just what humanity needs! A second season of the reality competition Tough Love (VH1, 9 PM), in which women with low self-esteem and anger issues are coached into better romantic relationships. Because that's just what you need when you hate yourself -- a partner upon whom you can project your issues!
AMC's retelling of the 1960s version of The Prisoner (AMC, 8 PM) stars Jim Caviezel. Caviezel's character, known as Six, finds himself under constant surveillance among others identified only by numbers. I suppose it's kind of like the DMV.
November 16, 2009
For some crazy reason, the 16th season premiere of Inside the Actor's Studio (Bravo, 8 PM) has Bon Jovi as the guest. Whatever will they talk about? Surely an hour is too long to discuss the merits of Jon's role on Ally McBeal.
Let's have some fun, this beat is sick -- Lady Gaga comes to Gossip Girl (The CW, 9 PM). What will she wear? Jenny Humphrey, you better bring your fashion A game this week.
Chef Academy (Bravo, 11 PM) features endless disgusted looks and throwing food in trash cans. The "world's sexiest chef" (not sure who voted for that title), Jean Christophe Novelli, who has an awesome French accent, will school young'uns in the kitchen.
November 17, 2009
Even if you don't have kids, the NBC Special: Merry Madagascar (NBC, 8 PM) may be worth a look. Nothing says holiday cheer like animals voiced by celebrities.
Finally, this Heather Locklear mess is about to go down. Amanda returns to a lesser version of the show that made her infamous on Melrose Place (The CW, 9 PM).
November 18, 2009
It's down to Laura and Nicole on the season finale of America's Next Top Model (The CW, 8 PM). Will they survive a runway challenge that incorporates wind and rain? More importantly, which of the contestants will win the chance to fade into obscurity like the rest of the past winners?
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words...sorry, Elton John just gets to me. The kids of Glee (FOX, 9 PM) are paired off to sing their favorite ballads tonight.
Claire wants to surprise Phil with a performance by Izzy Lafontaine (Ed Norton, in a Ron Wood wig and fake British accent) on Modern Family (ABC, 9 PM). Elizabeth Banks also guest stars as someone with large boobies.
The 13th fall season finale of South Park (Comedy, 10 PM) airs tonight.
November 19, 2009
On this week's Parks and Recreation (NBC, 8:30 PM), Leslie invites herself to Ron's annual hunting trip. Hopefully she will not know how to use a rifle.
If you're a Fringe (FOX, 9 PM) fan, you'll probably be happy to know the show will be focusing on The Observer tonight, rather than a monster-of-the-week like they have been of late. There may be more than one Observer, and he may not be as evil as one thinks.
Meredith's father visits Seattle Grace on Grey's Anatomy (ABC, 9 PM). Not surprisingly, Mr. Grey disapproves of his daughter's life choices.
How is it still not over? The sixth season finale of Project Runway (Lifetime, 10 PM) is tonight. My prediction for the winner: Irina.
If you haven't been watching Parks and Recreation this season because the six episodes of last season still seemed to be finding their footing (read: they weren't very funny), then you may want to start checking it out. Not just an Office clone, Amy Poehler is no longer trying to be a blonde Michael Scott, and is instead playing park official Leslie as an earnest, if naive, public servant with an eccentric group of friends and co-workers.
December 5, 2009
Kristin Chenoweth stars in the original movie 12 Men of Christmas (Lifetime, 9 PM), which is about a woman who gets dumped by her fiancé and moves from NYC to Kaispell, MT. And then she gets 12 local guys to pose for a sexy calendar to raise money for a good cause.
OMG. Blake Lively is hosting Saturday Night Live (NBC, 11:30 PM). Rihanna is going to be there too, but she's probably only going to perform songs from that awful new album, so we advise you to record and fast-forward for her bits.
December 6, 2009
Alice (SyFy, 9 PM) is a re-imagining of Alice in Wonderland, except in this one Alice has a black belt in karate and Kathy Bates is playing the Queen of Hearts.
Robin Williams: Weapons of Self-Destruction (HBO, 9 PM) is Williams' latest HBO Special, and the first since he's had heart surgery. Godspeed, Mork.
The fifth season finale of The Girls Next Door (E!, 10:30 PM) documents Kendra's baby shower. Not only does Kendra feature her bosom in a poorly-chosen dress, but Hef wears a little fedora.
December 7, 2009
If you enjoy country music and Christmas, Carrie Underwood: An All-Star Holiday Special (FOX, 8 PM) is for you. If you don't like either of those things, you're clearly un-American. Oh well!
Ray Romano, Scott Bakula, and Andre Braugher star in the premiere of Men of A Certain Age (TNT, 10 PM). A rejected title of this show: Men of A Certain Age Need Viagra. They're not that old, you guys.
The third season finale of Million Dollar Listing (Bravo, 10 PM) features a final showdown between Josh and Chad. Isn't it sad how Josh threatened Starla, Chad's dog? Well, not as sad as Chad's haircut.
December 8, 2009
The 8th season finale of The Biggest Loser (NBC, 8 PM) is tonight. Did you guys see that article in The New York Times last week? Someone who used to be on the show said that he was peeing blood because of unsafe dieting practice. The sacrifices we make to be thin.
The secret of Annie's involvement in a hit-and-run is revealed on 90210 (The CW, 8 PM). Naomi also says that she's been "tanning her tatas" in anticipation of spending Christmas in St. Bart's. Good luck with that.
Do you remember Better Off Ted (ABC, 9:30 PM)? Did you enjoy it? If you answered yes to both of those questions, your show is returning for a second season.
Wow, first Jersey Shore and now this? MTV continues to hit it out of the park with Teen Mom (MTV, 10 PM).
December 9, 2009
Last chance for Glee (FOX, 9 PM)!!! The fall season finale of everyone's favorite musical dramedy is tonight! "Sectionals" will be the last new episode before April.
Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, and Kate Gosselin all made the list for Barbara Walters Presents: The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2009 (ABC, 10 PM). The trinity has finally been united. This is very much a portent of the apocalypse.
The season finale of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge (MTV, 10 PM) airs tonight, once again leaving several Real World and Road Rules stars unemployed. What can you pledge to help them?
Top Chef (Bravo, 10 PM) season finale! It's bacon-loving Kevin vs. the Voltaggio brothers! I predict the brothers will have their own show by next summer. I'm rooting for Kevin, though. How about you?
December 10, 2009
Anthony Michael Hall is guest-starring on Community (NBC, 8 PM) as a bully. I will make no further comment on any connections in current events.
Leslie Knope is caught in a sex scandal on Parks and Recreation (NBC, 8:30 PM). Ron Swanson covers Leslie's work for the day and soon finds out how hard Ms. Knope's job truly is. Louis C.K. also guest stars.
Who gonna check me boo? I'm hoping for more Sheree's confrontation with the inept party planner on The Real Housewives of Atlanta The Lost Footage (Bravo, 9 PM).
The fifth season finale of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX, 10 PM). I am very grateful to this season for teaching us The D.E.N.N.I.S system. It explains everything about well, everything.
Over so soon? The first season finale of The League (FX, 10:30 PM) airs tonight. If you haven't seen it, it's worth it.
December 11, 2009
Yes, Virginia (CBS, 8 PM) is an animated special about a young girl, Virginia, who writes to Santa Clause in 1897. Those are the tough days, when people actually got coal for Christmas. Good luck, Virginia.
Four Weddings (TLC, 10 PM) could possibly be the biggest carnage-filled event on television this month. Four brides attend each other's weddings and judge them. You, know, just for kicks.