I can't not use all caps here. I'm sorry. But IT'S SHARK WEEK, you guys. Containing my excitement is not a possibility. It's my favorite week of the year, the only TV event that both terrifies and delights, puts its audience underwater with the most frightening creatures of the ocean and turns up the gore and the building, nerve-racking music -- it's like Jaws, but real. YES PLEASE.
Every summer The Discovery Channel gives me a whole new reason to be paranoid about going in the water. But that's OK, I'm more comfortable on my couch anyway. Still, there's something oddly compelling about watching Shark Week. I just can't help myself. I do feel bad for all the other predators out there who don't get whole weeks devoted to them, but whatever, sharks are creepy and cool, and it's real fun to watch them wreak havoc.