It's the last week of the season, which of course means only one thing: backstabbing!
Wow, another freaking season of Survivor starts already, tonight.
Tonight, there are two hours of people who don't understand how the game of Survivor is played, playing Survivor, and one hour of people we mostly don't care about sitting on stumps while Probst gushes all over Jimmy Johnson. It might just be the lamest season finale since that China one.
It's a new season of Survivor and for the first time in a year we're not subjected to Russell Hantz. It's a bonus. Though, I wouldn't be surprised if he found a way to worm his way into the reunion somehow. Just sitting around crying and proclaiming himself the ultimate ruler of the world or whatever. But Russell aside, there are a couple of actual things about this season that are worth noting before it even gets underway. It is on Wednesdays instead of Thursdays, they have their first actual real-life celebrity in Jimmy Johnson and they are splitting up the teams into old vs. young.
The show is on Wednesday this week because of all that bracketology nonsense happening on Thursday. Though it feels like a misnomer to have an NCAA March Madness game happening on April 1st, but The Simpsons used to have their Halloween episodes in November, so I guess in TV world, anything goes.
Because of that basketball thing, Survivor is on Wednesday instead of in its normal Thursday-night perch. This means nothing really, except that you'll have to make sure there aren't any conflicts in your DVR with the already-confused schedule that has been jostled around because the President of the U.S. wanted some time to chat to the American people. But if you just can't make it work, this is the dreaded "never-before-seen" highlight episode, which basically recaps the season. And hey, we've got Sarah M to do that for you. Though, if you haven't been watching or, like me, still have a hard time remembering who is on this show and what their names are, this might be helpful. I'm not joking. I've watched this show religiously for years, but if you put a picture of Brendan or Erinn in front of me and asked me their names, I wouldn't be able to do it. Not for peanut butter and chocolate or anything. Probably not even for a free car.
It's back... though it seems like we just finished with Survivor: Gabon -- Earth's Last Eden and now we're off to the Brazilian Highlands to a difficult to pronounce locale. Good times. I bet it will be only be about 15 minutes in before someone butchers that name. However, at least it doesn't lend itself to becoming a tribename in reverse (yes, I'm still annoyed at the dumbasses who had the bright idea to call their team Nobag). But what's with these neverending subtitles? Are they running out of places? Because old-school Survivor would have just called it Survivor: Brazil and been done with it. What's with these fancy monikers? It's like they are actually trying not to lump an entire country of varied cultures together. Strange.
December 19, 2009
The first of three final specials follows the Doctor to Mars, where he has to save the human race from a spreading infection, in Doctor Who: Waters of Mars (BBCA, 9 PM).
Modern-day renaissance man James Franco is hosting Saturday Night Live (NBC, 11:30 PM) this week. Muse is the musical guest, but I only know who they are because they had a song on the American Eagle Outfitters soundtrack when I worked there.
December 20, 2009
The preview for the season finale of Survivor (CBS, 8 PM) calls eternally-shirtless Russell the "most evil player ever." I would agree, due to him thinking that he's a king simply because someone dropped some grapes in his mouth.
I'm not sure why, but George Lopez is hosting the special Christmas in Washington (TNT, 8 PM), which features Rob Thomas, Neil Diamond, Mary J. Blige, and Usher.
Kendra: Here Comes Baby (E!, 9 PM) documents the birth of Kendra and Hank's son. Will Hef show up to the delivery room in person?
December 21, 2009
Gone so soon! The Sing-Off (NBC, 8 PM) season finale features a Boyz II Men reunion. Quick, someone find Nick Lachey some work!
The 5th season finale of The Closer (TNT, 9 PM) airs tonight.
December 22, 2009
My personal favorite Christmas-themed movie, Christmas Vacation (AMC, 8 PM) may be a good choice for your more cynical family members.
Tonight's episode of Scrubs (ABC, 8:30PM) features what the preview calls "an interracial Hardy Boys parody." Um, should I be offended?
An alternative to the drama of MTV's Teen Mom is I'm Pregnant...And 55 Years Old (Health, 9:30 PM). I can safely say that this mother's biggest problem is probably not finishing high school.
I generally like to stay away from the shows that my sister enjoys, but this season of The Bad Girls Club (Oxygen, 10 PM) is enjoyable due to the presence of a certain bad girl. Look for Natalie to declare that she "runs LA" about every 4.3 seconds, whatever that means.
December 23, 2009
CBS Special: A Home for the Holidays (CBS, 8 PM) features performances by Faith Hill, Reba McEntire, and the apparently very Christmas-friendly Mary J. Blige. She must have an album coming out.
Of course there's more to see on Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Sh*t They Should Have Shown (MTV, 10 PM). There's always another former Real Worlder looking to extend their 15minutes.
December 24, 2009
It's A Wonderful Life (NBC, 8 PM) may be the greatest Christmas story ever told. When I was a kid I always thought it would be cool to have a wicker wheelchair just like Lionel Barrymore's when I get old. They probably don't make them like they used to.
The series finale of Raising the Bar (TNT, 10 PM) airs tonight, following two previously unaired episodes. A sad day, indeed, for Zach Morris.
December 25, 2009
Even though you'll probably wish you shot both of your eyes out with BB gun after 24 hours of A Christmas Story (TNT, 8 PM 12/24 to 8PM 12/25), it's hard to avoid this holiday classic.
It's time for the "all-stars" to reunite and face off against each other again. While I'm still a bit annoyed about the lack of "real" bad guys, I'm actually kind of looking forward to it. Though, if judging by last week's special, we'll be seeing a hell of a lot of Li'l Russell, and a whole lot of Rupert and Jerri. So great, just what we needed more of, right?