For the first time ever, it feels like this show hasn't been on in a while. Hooray!
The losers aren't going to look like, well, losers after tonight because it's MAKEOVER WEEK!
Ladies and gentlemen, it's finally time to face the harsh reality that the contestants on The Biggest Loser are no longer twice your size. I guess it's time for everyone to head to the gym.
It's the least climactic duo of showdowns ever tonight, as Ada and Elizabeth battle it out for the most online votes (really -- what kind of asshole is going to vote for Elizabeth over Ada? Stop it), and the victor of that outcome (Ada) competes against Frado and Patrick for the title of Biggest Loser (Frado. Frado will win). I can't even verbalize how much the suspense is not killing me.
I find it so fitting that this show decides to do a "Where are they now?" episode the night before most Americans sit down to the biggest meal they'll eat all year. It's like, "Look how skinny these people are! You could do it if you didn't sit down to eight servings of mashed potatoes and an entire pumpkin pie. Or you could end up like the one contestant who has put all the weight back on -- Is that what you want? Would that make you feel proud?"
Tonight, we take a break from the season's competition to revisit some of the most notable Losers in the show's history. Some of these stories are nice, like the two couples -- Matt and Suzy from Season 2, and Amy and Marty from Season 3 -- who fell in love on the show and got married, or the many former contestants who are now fitness trainers, or even one guy who is apparently a country singer somewhere. And of course it will be all Ali Vincent this, Ali Vincent that, buy Ali Vincent's book, if you love Ali Vincent so much why don't you marry her, and so on and so forth, but there are also some actually interesting things as well. I can't find the damn preview video and the press release doesn't say jack so I can't promise anything, but I understand a former winner has gained all their weight back, and Bob is going to go all "What the fuck, Joelle?!" on this person tonight. Oh, god willing.
This cycle of The Biggest Loser is winding down, and I am being told by the show's press release that it is "payback time" tonight! Which of course means that the Biggest Loser universe will be turned upside down as the contestants will be training Bob and Jillian. Which of course really means that the contestants will be torturing Bob and Jillian. Should be fun! Later, the contestants will have to race each other up and down hills while pulling a sack full of the equivalent of all the weight they've lost, which always looks pretty heart attack-inducing. But then again so does every second of this show. Oh well!