It's been about five minutes since Just Desserts ended, which may be a record length of time for Bravo to go between new Top Chef episodes. Anyhoo, Season 9 starts tonight and I hear that the competition is "bigger in Texas."

Tags: top chef

The Top Chef Season 9 finale is on this evening, and since the drama ended when Beverly was cut, I don't think it will be too cray cray.

Tags: Top Chef

Tonight, we draw one week closer to the Top Chef All-Stars finale (which isn't until next week, because they're trying to kill us), and I think we can all agree that it's a shocking and bewildering experience that we are watching a final three that includes Mike Isabella and Antonia. Of all the starting contestants, I counted Mike out probably the most, with the exception of, like, Stephen Asprinio, who isn't even really a chef.

Tags: Top Chef

December 12, 2009
After reading over the nominees for Spike TV's Video Game Awards 2009 (Spike, 8 PM), I realized that I know hardly anything about gaming, except for Mario and Princess Peach. Oh, and that game with guns and hookers. Kids like that stuff, right?

The buffest werewolf this side of anywhere, Taylor Lautner, is hosting Saturday Night Live (NBC, 11:30 PM) this weekend. Bon Jovi will perform as well.

December 13, 2009
I've never wanted Dexter to kill anyone more than I want him to kill Trinity. The season finale of Dexter (Showtime, 9 PM) promises huge twists and a major showdown between Trinity and Dexter. Deb also learns more about Dexter's identity.

I'm not sure if I'll watch The Jacksons: A Family Dynasty (A&E, 10 PM). It just seems so intrusive. And wrong. Okay, I'm sold.

Keeping Up with The Kardashians (E!, 10 PM) only managed to stay away from TV for a few short weeks since the wedding special. What great things will the Kardashian sisters contribute to culture this season?

The People Speak (History, 8 PM) is a documentary stemming from Howard Zinn's book A People's History of the United States. Matt Damon produced, and countless other actors and artists will appear in the documentary.

December 14, 2009
Christmas is coming up, just in case you haven't seen the gazillion Christmas-themed ads on TV. In the special Jennifer Hudson: I'll Be Home for Christmas (ABC, 8 PM), the singer performs around Chicago. Michael Buble will be there, too.

The twist in the new singing competition show, Sing-Off (NBC, 8 PM), is that everything is completely a capella. This show is completely necessary.

The second season finale of Lie to Me (FOX, 9 PM) airs tonight.

December 15, 2009
I couldn't believe how calm Gordon Ramsay appeared in the preview for the Fox special Gordon Ramsay: Cookalong Live (FOX, 9 PM). I'm still afraid that he'll yell at me through the TV for not properly oiling a pan.

Paranormal State (A&E, 10 PM) premieres for a fourth season.

I doubt that too many of the commercials featured on TBS Special: Funniest Commericals of the Year (TBS, 10 PM) will be that funny. Yet somehow people still laugh at the Geico caveman commercials.

December 16, 2009
The sixth season finale of So You Think You Can Dance (FOX, 8 PM) is tonight. Both members of the married couple are still in the running. Adorable!

In case you missed it, Mike Voltaggio is Top Chef, and he came in second to none other than his brother Bryan. The Top Chef: Watch What Happens Reunion (Bravo, 9 PM) is hosted by my imaginary BFF, Andy Cohen.

I still watch Nip/Tuck (FX, 10 PM). Does that make me lame? If it does, so be it. Find out where Christian and Sean leave off in the sixth season finale.

Tune in to The Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Reunion Show (MTV, 10PM). Now that $300,000 has been distributed amongst several challenge cast members, that income will only last until the next challenge. And all the same people will be there again.

December 17, 2009
The documentary BBC America: The Truth About Online Anorexia (BBCA, 8 PM) explores pro-ana websites. Kind of cringeworthy, but also intriguing.

I had thought Gilly was a funny character at first, but I'm starting to see through her cold exterior. Kristen Wiig stars in a two-hour Saturday Night Live: A Very Gilly Christmas (NBC, 8 PM) special. Sorry.

If you're not easily offended and you like political cartoons, SuperNews (Current TV, 11 PM) airs every Thursday night and just might be for you.

December 18, 2009
Crash (Starz, 10 PM) wraps up a second season tonight.

Tags: Dexter, Lie to Me, nip/tuck, Real World/Road Rules Challenge, saturday night live, so you think you can dance, top chef

October 31, 2009
Happy Halloween! In between handing out candy to grubby-handed children, tune in to Night of the Living Dead (AMC, 8:15 PM) and learn what real zombies are like.

November 1, 2009
The contestants take a "spooky trip to Holland" and one team must reveal a personal secret to the others on The Amazing Race (CBS, 8 PM). What's so spooky about Holland? Is it the windmills? I thought so.

At this point, are we even sure that Dr. Drew is a real doctor? Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew (VH1, 10 PM) premieres tonight. Unfortunately, the show does not feature any recognizable celebrities and there's no David Duchovny. Well, maybe that's a good thing.

I woke up today with a question lingering on my mind. Who will be dressing Kim Kardashian in the future? Styl'd: Fashion 101 (MTV, 10 PM) follows a group of young people trying to become celebrity stylists.

November 2, 2009
After Barney gives terrible relationship advice to Marshall, Marshall and Lily have a huge fight on How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 PM).

Reality TV just gets more and more sleazy. In the second season of For the Love of Ray J (VH1, 9 PM), we'll find out that the singer impregnated a contest on the show last season. Classy.

On the season finale of Greek (ABC Family, 9 PM), the Zetas break out in a highly choreographed dance routine. The very same thing happened in my British lit lecture once...there were a lot of stunted, awkward movements.

On The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 9:30 PM), irony takes hold and Sheldon teaches Leonard about football.

No bitchassness allowed. I Want to Work for Diddy (VH1, 10 PM) finds a second season's worth of unwitting victims willing to do Diddy's dirty work. And get him cheesecake.

November 3, 2009
In yet another revival of the classic miniseries and a TV series that failed the first time, V (ABC, 8 PM) will introduce us to the hot alien chick Anna, who is probably more evil than her cute pixie haircut shows.

Samantha Ronson guest stars as (gasp!) a DJ and Pharrell performs on 90210 (The CW, 8 PM). Also guest starring is Rumer Willis as Gia, who helps Navid investigate drug use at West Beverly High.

A year after the 2008 election, the HBO special By the People: The Election of Barack Obama (HBO, 9 PM) follows the President on the campaign trail.

Kathy Griffin dishes on her date with Levi Johnston, which probably sucked. Kathy Griffin: Balls of Steel (Bravo, 9 PM) marks her seventh stand-up special on Bravo.

A second season of Tabatha's Salon Takeover (Bravo, 10 PM) may make you never want to visit a salon again. Here's to hoping that Tabatha can repair all salons one clogged drain at a time.

November 4, 2009
Oh no! Poor Jules is challenged by her friend to spend an entire day by herself on Cougar Town (ABC, 9:30 PM). That's easy. Why doesn't she just sit alone blogging all day...oh wait.

The team on CSI: NY (CBS, 10 PM) will learn what food sploshing is. Hint: it's kind of sexual, and definitely gross.

In Flowers Uncut with Jeff Leatham (TLC, 10 PM), we'll learn all about the stressful world of floral arrangements.

Top Chef (Bravo, 10 PM) features an all-stars dinner tonight, and Stefan will start beef with Marcel.

November 5, 2009
On this week's Community (NBC, 8 PM), the gang finds out that Jeff is living in his car and wants to help out. Hopefully Jeff will be forced to live with Pierce and we'll find out what that old man does in his spare time.

Sam and Dean get sucked into an alternate universe in which they are characters in different TV shows on Supernatural (The CW, 9 PM). This is a total rip-off of the best John Ritter movie ever - Stay Tuned.

Following the disaster that was Stone Mountain, Georgia, auditions for a new TGS actor are held on 30 Rock (NBC, 9:30 PM).

More overgrown mean girls? Sign me up. Slade returns to The Real Housewives of Orange County (Bravo, 10 PM) as Gretchen's new squeeze, and Jeana is broke. Supposedly.

Just in case you're tired of watching those two old guys discuss movies, The Rotten Tomatoes Show (Current, 10:30 PM) gives an honest spin on potential cinematic adventures. And you can even record a review that may air on the show.

November 6, 2009
Would you be interested in watching something depressing? Try Platinum Babies (WE, 9 PM), which documents idiot parents that spend $100,000 on baby showers for their kids. Nothing says stupid like gold-plated rattles.

You know that guy who wrote that terrible book that tells girls that some guy is just not into her? His comedy special, Greg Berendht: That Guy from That Thing (Comedy, 12 AM) airs tonight.

Tags: 30 Rock, 90210, cougar town, Kathy Griffin, Real Housewives of Orange County, supernatural, top chef

Top Chef is back and cooking food in Washington, D.C. (guess Bravo's just all about D.C. lately) with sexy new judge Eric Ripert! Question: why does this show always put so much emphasis on the city it's being filmed in? Does anyone really care where they're cooking? But anyway, still pumped to have the show back, particularly with Ripert on board and Toby Young very much not on board.

Tags: Top Chef

The time honored Restaurant Wars episode of this season's Top Chef has finally arrived, and while that is very exciting, like a lot of people I'm unfortunately getting very anxious for the end. With Robin, Laurine, Eli and Michael I still in the game, it just feels like we're treading water. Obviously the final four will be Kevin, Jennifer and the Volts, and every episode up until then is just kind of waiting around until the other four who don't have a chance get their turn to go home. There are four more weeks of that!

Tags: Top Chef